Weekend In Review

Saw Mom and Grandma Saturday and had a nice visit and a huge breakfast at Mo's. That was the start of the day and I was feeling okay then, relatively speaking. Afterwards, it was going to be "guys day out" but we ended up with Lizzie so our plans changed accordingly. We met up at Sawgrass Mills and instead of a movie for big people (probably the Tarantino film) we saw Ponyo.

Ponyo is an animated film by famous Japanese director Hayao Miyazaki. While hailed by critics, it is -- in my opinion -- pretty much the Little Mermaid tale all over again. That's not a knock but I do need to put it out there because this isn't "original" like his other films. It's got an all-star voice over cast so as long as the lips and words being out of synch doesn't bother you, this might be worth your time if you're a fan of the art form. It's hand-drawn old-fashioned animation. It's also a movie for kids so don't expect heady stuff on multiple levels like a Pixar film. But, all that aside, I enjoyed the film. And the critic that matters here, Lizzie, liked it and didn't get distracted except during the first few minutes.

Afterwards we roamed the mall for a bit and then went to Books-A-Million and Best Buy. At Best Buy on the X-Box (ew) they had a demo of Beatles Rock Band. The visuals were fantastic. The songs were awesome of course. We watched the guy playing it, then Evan took a hand at Yellow Submarine on the easiest level. Some kid came up and thrashed a hard song on expert level. It was all good fun. We went our separate ways, but I wasn't in the mood to be home alone so I called Erin to see if she wanted company. She was willing so I accompanied her to purchase Snow Leopard (the new Mac OS) which we played with a bit at the Apple Store at a different mall. We stopped at the Vans store where I found awesome shoe but not in my size -- now ordered on-line. I'm sure you'll all hate them but I really like them: they have colour. Lots of it. In spades.

Afterwards we decided to have dinner and drove around in a freak rainstorm that just dumped water everywhere and the roads were flooded out. It was quite a challenge driving around and down Las Olas where a number of our choices were out of business. We then used her iPhone to find more choices which were, sadly, out of business as well. We ended up at Anthony's Coal Fired Pizza. I've heard about this chain but never been. The Pizza was okay but not great because I really didn't care for their tomato sauce which was reminiscent of chunky apple sauce and was also a little overboard on the olive oil. Loved the crust and cheese. Erin ordered the wings appetizer. I don't normally do wings, but had one anyway and it was way too salty but otherwise it would have been really good. The place isn't bad but not somewhere I'd pick myself. For dessert we ended up at "Goofles" a new frozen custard place that was surprisingly good. After that I went home. I had my usual fitful sleep though it lasted longer than normal.

Sunday AM got the skating call at 1030 due to a miscommunication and bolted out the door. We ended up eating an early lunch at Cheddar's which was both decent and surprisingly cheap. Though for a place called "Cheddar's" I'm surprised the cheese they use on the burger is such bad quality. Still it was a good experience and I'd go back. We had time to kill so wandered about Barnes & Nobles for twenty or so minutes before heading to the rink which was as crowded as I'd ever seen it. They were having a huge tournament. Nonetheless, we skated the first session and part of the second one, and I knocked off a bit before 3pm and headed off to get my skates sharpened at Play-It-Again, not realizing they close at 3pm. I went in they said they were closed but I asked if they could sharpen me and they said they would. The guy had quite some trouble saying my blades were too thick (horseshit) and mis-sharpened by the previous person (absolutely true). He showed me the problem: they were not sharpened on center so he had to cross-grind and start over. Next time I skate, we'll see how they are. No dizzy episodes on ice today.

Headed home for laundry and nearly dozed off in the car so called people to talk to in order to stay awake. Listened to the Sting album Mom got me as I typed this (Brand New Day) and am wholly unimpressed by most of it.

For some reason my Snow Leopard download button isn't appearing on my Apple Developer account and I'll have to deal with that Monday. I was planning to install it today. *grumble*

Disturbia

Well it appears our government which is run by idiots (idiots of whichever party you prefer -- they're all idiots to some degree) now want the power to shut down private Internet connections. If you prefer your news from Fox they've got the same report. If the government is concerned about its systems let them pop off the grid and leave the rest of us to fend for ourselves. I would trust my ISP that sucks (DreamHost) way more than the government to deal with a hacker attack. They'd have it fixed by the time the government realizes there's a problem and figures out what the nature of it is.

Monday, I have decided to call the cardiologist. Despite what he may or may not say, this constant pressure in the dead center of my chest is bothersome. I don't want to wait two weeks. Yeah, it's probably nothing. Probably doesn't make me happy. And if it makes me dead, I'd be pissed off.

I am updating all my applications (so many) to the latest versions that came out over the past few days in anticipation of upgrading to Snow Leopard (OS X 10.6) -- I am rarely excited about an operating system but this one excites me. I think as soon as Apple sends me my freebie copy, I'll upgrade. 

Mom's in town this weekend so I'll see her and Grandma. Not sure what the other plans might be.

Stuff and Stuff

If you're not watching Skins on BBC America (Thursdays 9pm) you're missing one of the best shows BBC has turned out. My original review is in this blog post. This is just really good. I was worried because for series three (now in progress) they replaced the entire cast and went with new kids. The old ones graduated. An adult show for adults, yet it's just oddly riveting and fascinating.

The lip has almost entirely healed over. It's probably going to need some reconstruction. It's not healed properly on the inside and is the wrong shape. This is not a good thing. I'll add this to the long list of things to worry about later. There's some major scar tissue formed on the inside as well as that damned messed up vermillion barrier. I'll eventually get around to seeing an oral surgeon (or whatever sort of doctor will tear it apart and fix it properly.) There are no other medical news being posted here until there are developments suitable for public consumption, though I do hope to have some of those soon.

I am unusually excited about Snow Leopard, the new optimized Mac OS. I am waiting for my developer pack from Apple which should include a copy. I'd download it from the Apple Developer website where I assume it's posted but that's a lot of bandwidth. I've heard so many good things about this that I am looking forward to leading the charge as opposed to following months or years later after all the kinks are worked out.

Boeing still plans to fly the 787 later this year. I was a big supporter of this plane until in early tests the wings separated from the fuselage. That worries me. Greatly. They've fixed it, but I really wonder what sort of stress these new composite materials will be subjected to and if they'll fall apart mid-air. I mean the wings fell off before the damn thing flew: that should bother you. It bothers me.

Tomorrow will be a long and busy day. I'd love to tell you all how much I'm looking forward to it. But I can't.

I'm tired. Bed. Maybe I'll get lucky and sleep for a change.  Or not.

Today's thoughts

I meant to post this earlier. It was sent to me by Dave. I've made several posts criticizing Obama's poorly thought out monstrosity of health-care "reform" as he calls it. This is a rebuttal. I'm presenting it to be fair, however I maintain my original position that while we need reform, this isn't it. I could go on and on about it, because it certainly drives me crazy. Still, that's not the purpose of this. It's to give some voice to the other side. I've taken quite a bit of grief from my friends over my position on this, but it's just bad news. The end.

The NHL season is rapidly approaching and that's cause for some excitement and the NFL season is due to open soon. And college football as well. Some things to cause distraction. Yay.

MacLean's magazine had an interesting article on Dinosaurs and how close scientists are to actually being able to reproduce one. It's Jurassic Park all over again. I saved it for William. 

Later tonight I'll have continuing updates in the other place. It's best you check regularly as I won't keep reminding those of you who read there.

Youth In Revolt and other news....

First, I must thank Jose for telling me he saw a trailer for the legendary novel Youth In Revolt which is a journal by one Nick Twisp. This is awesome news potentially. It stars Michael Cera (of Arrested Development fame) which is nice because he's a good actor, but I don't feel he looks the part. He's a bit too old and too tall for what was described in the book. But he's an awesome actor.

There's the trailer from YouTube :)  I'm still more excited about the phenomenal looking Where The Wild Things Are. Still, this bears watching.

Next, I want to remind those of you who are into that sort of thing that Team CMOT still exists for the Seti@Home project. I encourage you all to participate by using this as your screen saver at both home and work (not on a laptop -- it'll kill your battery) and, hopefully, you'll join our team. From the above URL you will find links to download and install the software.

Health updates in this public blog are going to be vague and infrequent here for the most part, but rest assured I continue to see doctors every day. Actually that's not very assuring is it? My primary areas of concern are my heart, head, and mouth -- not necessarily in that order. There are multiple ailments and, yes, some of them are very serious. I'll post a further update privately in awhile.

In response to an e-mail I rarely use MySpace. I made the account some time ago when it was the "in thing" but except for the music area, it's damned near worthless. I have tons of "friends" but I don't know most of them. Totally indiscriminate. I joined FaceBook not long after MySpace at the invitation of my sister back when it was just opening to the public. I never much cared for it and treated it the same as MySpace and friended anyone who asked. Recently, it was getting too much and I removed most of my 'friends' and the people who are left are people I know in some form or another. I removed pages, groups, and people. I also nuked a lot of applications too. I kept FarmTown which I like to play. But FaceBook is becoming the same mess MySpace was. I tried Orkut but I've not even gone back to clean it up -- overrun by people who have no regard for the community. I tried the NHLConnect but that's never taken off because it's wholly inadequate. I was never much into social networking anyway. I tried, but rarely use, Twitter but fail to see the fascination. LinkedIn is useful professionally but I even cleaned that up earlier this year removing some people I had "collected" that didn't really belong.

(I am asked why I didn't remove the previous health posts and move them to the other place. First, I don't delete posts from my blog as a matter of habit -- the only time I actively delete some posts were the result of the polite request of law enforcement in the identity theft case and those were mostly restored after the arrest. Second, once you post it, everyone's already read it anyway so removing it only prevents future searches.)

First the public post...

I'd like to ridicule the Florida Panthers first. They have a FaceBook account and their crack team of people typed "If your one of the winners - email us with your contact details and ...." Your? Indeed. I'm sure they meant you're (you are) but apparently they don't hire educated interns to run things. They made this error multiple times in the same thread. I resisted the temptation to correct them. The point isn't the grammar, really, but it is indicative of their ongoing lack of attention to detail. They have grammar errors all over the arena and sometimes on the scoreboards. When pointed out, they don't do anything. They don't care.

Secondly, an update to the Shalala anecdote from my previous post. Ms Shalala's office called my Dad at home Saturday morning to thank him again for the "overwhelming gesture" She's classy. I'll give her that.

Health updates will continue to be sparse in the public posts. But I have more doctor's appointments scheduled. My physical health is borderline and shows no sign of significant improvement. Then again, that does mean it's not getting worse. My emotional health, well that's a continued problem. I find it interesting to see who cares about which aspect of my health. Some people are worried about my physical health and others my emotional health. I'm sure there's an interesting analysis there, but I'm not having that.

I trimmed a tree branch from my neighbour's tree that was blocking my satellite reception. I had bought a nice filet mignon to cook for dinner tonight, but I just didn't get motivated and had a frozen dinner instead. Silly me.

And I want to thank my friends for their continued support. The people I've been leaning on the hardest got personal thank you notes over the past two days. It's amazing what sharing my experience has prompted other people to share with me about their lives. Knowing you're not entirely alone is one thing, but knowing there's one person who really gets it is something entirely else. I never really got it before. I do now. FML.

All Sorts of Anecdotes

Let's start with an interesting encounter. Friday I had day-early Birthday Dinner with Dad, my sister and her boyfriend at our usual restaurant. We sat down and we were two tables away from Donna Shalala (linked if you don't know who she is). Dad always likes to be a big shot and we know all the staff in the restaurant having been going there for over 20 years on a regular basis. So he calls over the second in command (the owner being on holiday) and tells him that he'd like to pick up the check for the Shalala table. We have our dinner, dessert, and a very leisurely meal and finish. They bring our bill and the one for the Shalala table. Dad studies it because he wants to know what they ate (nosey). We pay for it and ours. There are other people at her table but their backs are to us so we can't see them.

She tries to pay and finds out that it's been paid so she finds out who did it (or maybe they told her) and she rushes over to our table -- odd since the Herald said she was on crutches and she wasn't -- and asks my father who he is and thanks him. He thanked her for helping the University so much (he went there, I went there for a bit, and my sister is currently there). He introduced her to me, my sister, but she didn't let him finish the introductions, grabbed him and said "I'm dining with George Will -- let me introduce you." Off they went. Dad was very happy as he's a fan of Mr. Will.

Anyway, so we left the restaurant and as we were waiting for Dad's car, Ms. Shalala comes over to me and asks how to spell our last name. I tell her and a few moments later, George Will hands Dad an autographed copy of one of his books. This makes Dad very, very happy. He's positively beaming.

For my birthday, I got an oil painting. You've heard of the infamous dogs playing poker painting. Well there's a painter named Andy Thomas who does ex-presidents playing poker. It comes in Red and Blue versions. I got the Blue. You can see it much larger on my Flickr Page here. Here's a thumbnail:



In other news, my Internet has been acting oddly for two weeks. Sites keep vanishing for a few moments. Sort of like something is interfering with it. Quite frustrating. I'm sure it's not on my end and AT&T isn't reporting problems. Like I'll be using Facebook and suddenly I get an error from Firefox saying "facebook.com" cannot be found. That's clearly a DNS error and I'm wondering what's getting in the way. With all my identity theft, this makes me nervous. I may have to try OpenDNS and see if that's better. Does anyone have experience with it? I just don't need one more stress in my life right now.

Friday wasn't a bad day. The night wasn't quite as good and I didn't sleep. Saturday started okay but got rapidly worse and I tried to stay with friends all day because I didn't want to be alone. Details of this in the private area.

Saturday evening, a few people hauled my ass of to the Hard Rock for dinner at Renegade. We were treated to the thunderstorm from hell which was truly impressive. The service was good, the food was (as always) awesome though I didn't manage to finish (!!!) which is a bad sign. And yeah, I'm still losing weight. The waitress brought me a birthday sundae which I shared with the table. Quite tasty. Afterwards we killed time until it was safe to go outside (lightning!) and then couldn't decide what to do. Some went in to gamble. Erin is still broken and was my ride. So we went off to Starbucks. I am not supposed to drink coffee so I didn't. Got home really late, showered, and popped into bead physically exhausted.

Took my increasing piles of meds which should make me sleep and they failed. Rough night. Will confer with doctor tomorrow. Decided to have one cup of cafe con leche this morning with breakfast. Bad, bad, bad idea. I figured a tiny bit of caffeine might wake me up without any problems. False. Skated with John and Liz. Had some dizzy spells (bad). Did the whole session and my heart was okay -- except for idiot me who had caffeine. Came home and wrote this post and did errands.

My lip is getting worse. I'm not sure what sort of doctor one sees about such things, but I need to do that. The outside is ugly but basically healed okay -- big-ass scar from bad-ass stitches. The inside is a mess. One spot continues to act as if it's infected even though it isn't. This one white spot is oozing what appears to be pus (but isn't) and it tastes freaking nasty. And I now have permanent dry mouth and I think I've had more water in the past two weeks than my whole life.

Oh, and Jethro Bodine (Max Baer Jr) is opening a Beverly Hillbillies themed casino. I am not making this up. You gotta' read that. Really. Apparently, there's a market for this. Scary?

An especially bad night...

Sleepless, painful, hot, cold, anxiety, heart racing, panic. Just too much. However, it prompted me to act this morning. I'm not better by any means, but there's some progress made. I haven't worked a full day in two weeks -- missing mornings or evenings or mid-days for doctor appointments and such. This just isn't good.

Rather than bore everyone, I've set up a private place for those of you who want details to read. If you want to get there, you need to ask me via phone or IM for the URL. Otherwise, you can settle for the short updates. (And just because you ask doesn't necessarily mean I'll give you the URL. With all the strangers who read my blog, I actually have to know you well to share.)

I don't feel well now, not by a long shot. Today was another high-stress day on the heels of a horrific night. I'm actually afraid of bedtime tonight.

And in a humorous note, I got home and realized I stole the doctor's magazine. I'm going to return it straight-away tomorrow. I'm embarrassed. A thief, I am not.

"High Battery Drain" is the latest error my car is giving me. Thank God it's a company car and I don't have to pay for it. But I still have to deal with it. This is my last BMW. I think I said that before. How freaking hard is it to build a car with a computer that works? Apologies to Jan, but German cars suck ass because they are, apparently, over-engineered. Of four people I know with BMW (Dad, Greg, Karen, and Me) we've all had issues the past two weeks.

That concludes this post.

An observation....

Every time something good happens, something bad happens. Maybe it's natures way of keeping balance. Today was one of those days. Felt good (congrats to D on his excellent health report today) and then bad later in the day.

I'd give you more health news but except for the inside of my lip (I hate pus), there isn't any. I left a message for a doctor early this morning (9ish) and still haven't heard back. This irritates me hugely.

Am so tired without cause.

Obama's Health Care Reform Plan

I was an Obama supporter, and mostly I still am. In my earlier post, I meant to share this article because it's how I feel as a business owner. I want to thank Paul who sent it over.

Of course, I also realize to hire good people you have to offer competitive benefits, so this isn't actually realistic. But I get the sentiment. The supporters of this plan think it's free. It's not free. Someone is paying for it, and it's going to come out of your pocket somehow or another. Don't you forget it.

All these "rich" people are, indeed, people whose companies are "S" corporations. They will all be taxed to death. We won't cut benefits, but if we have to recoup $40,000 or so to pay for it annually, we'll cut an employee. Or two. Maybe one of these people will be your family member or friends. This is an ill-conceived plan at best. We do need a health-care system overhaul, but this isn't it. The numbers don't add up. And, quite frankly, I don't recollect where the government even has the constitutional authority to do this. But I'm no lawyer so I won't speak on that.

I just had to throw in a few more cents. I'm still aggravated by this. I hate when I find myself opposing my own party and candidates but you have to do what's right. This isn't it.

Hurry Up And Wait

Okay, let's start with the news everyone's been waiting for. Last night was an especially bad night after a not-so-bad day, so I was pretty glad I was going to the cardiologist today. I saw the cardiologist today after a way too long wait in the lobby. He pretty much confirmed all findings so far: I am broken and the cause is unknown -- we have a key suspicion which I am not posting at this time. I would further like to report I am off every single medication except my Nexium*. I will be taking a new pill for awhile to see if it helps. I have a sonogram -- basically an ultrasound -- of my heart scheduled for 9-11 (that's just a bad luck day and I may reschedule on principle). The good news is, I am not expected to drop dead right now but we must fix this problem. Ignoring it just is not an option.

While I won't go back and edit previous posts -- far too lazy and impatient -- I'm going to restrict details on health issues a bit more. If you want to know more, call and ask. I'll tell you. I am still working on a mechanism for delivering more detailed results to my friends and family while keeping them from the public, but the current system isn't properly secure. I'll let those affected know if and when it works properly.

On a lighter note, those of you who make fun of my singing can read this article. That's my explanation and I'm sticking to it. Thanks.

Also, I am continuing to get lots of hits on my blog looking for the "other" Eric Seiden. You know, the one with the SEC troubles. It vexes me. Then again, I bet the photographer dude is having the same problems. Not that I care, but it does amuse me to see who's visiting my blog.

* and the random Tums, Advil or whatnot.

Movie and Book Review

I have a few days worth of updates. Saturday was a busy day. Woke up and after tending to some medical business, I worked my way over to Erin's. We ate breakfast, walked around CompUSA and Borders before I totally ran out of gas. We went back to her place and watched Flash Gordon on TV. Or more accurately, I dozed in and out of consciousness on her couch. We watched some Catherine Tate and Muppet Show DVDs as well. The weather, as all you locals know, was horrific. The bad weather we got is now Tropical Storm Claudette and heading towards North Florida. After that, we went to TooJay's for dinner and I was very unimpressed. My food was really subpar and the service was bad, but we really weren't in a hurry so it didn't much matter. We had some ice cream afterwards, and then went back to Erin's and watched Ratatouille. After that I went home.

Meanwhile Tropical Storm Ana doesn't look like much of a threat to us other than some wind and rain, probably around 40mph or so. Bill looks like he'll become a hurricane and is more of a concern though it is appearing more likely that he'll go further north now. It's so far out nobody can really tell.

It's been a bad weekend in the sense I blew of skating today because I was unable to face a group of happy people. Bad attitude on my part. I suck. I know. Sorry, guys. My head's still all messed up and with all the medical issues and such this may happen from time to time. I'll skip the details because I'm sure you'll all sick of them.

I ended up going to see District 9 instead. Despite my total inability to concentrate, I did enjoy the film. It was nothing like I expected. It's a documentary style film and that's mostly how it plays out when not in "action" mode and consists of a largely unknown cast and is set in South Africa. It's sci-fi officially but it's definitely got action and some major suspense too. It's also very bloody and has some pretty serious gore levels, hence the "R" rating. The film is of note because it's done by Peter Jackson of Lord of the Rings fame. I don't want to spoil it, but you should see this film. I hope they make a sequel because they left room for one. And the story's intriguing as all hell.

I finally finished the book Dave gave me Friday night (at least I think so -- my time sense is all out of sorts too). It's called The Lust Lizard of Melancholy Cove and it's a humorous fantasy novel or sorts. And it is, indeed, quite funny. Quite bizarre, quite unusual, and well written. Usually when things get too odd, they aren't well written. I would call this "laugh out loud" but definitely amusing. Christopher Moore did a good job with this and I think any reader of fantasy or sci-fi who likes a bit of humour thrown in will find this an amusing read. Certainly not what I expected, but a good read. If I ever wade through my huge unread book pile, I'll try more of his works. The titles alone make me intrigued.

Some Special Thanks

I don't want to mention names, but I want to make sure those of you who I've leaned on for support these past few months know how much I appreciate it. It's not that any one thing is overwhelming but when a whole list of things is added together; that's how it became the mess it now is. I won't rehash all the details of all the things, but you've all heard bits of it in this blog, and some of you have been subjected to long, whiny ramblings about some of it. I just want all of you to know, that I appreciate those of you who have helped and even those of you who offered to help. I've received sincere offers of help from people I barely know, which I also appreciate it.

Everyone's telling me how bad I look, so I guess it shows how low I've sunk. However, I am working on the situation and, when I'm comfortable enough, I'll post more news here: probably after the visit with the cardiologist. By then I hope that I'll have a course of action and let you all know what it is. And I continue to lose weight: three belt notches now. The rate of loss is less alarming now, and I'm eating some food now and again.

This article from my stockbroker amused me considerably and is entitled A Day In The Life of Joe Middle Class. You should read it. It's a PDF file.

I had another physical therapy session on my neck. Is it helping? Not a whole lot, but it's not hurting. And I do suppose these things take time. I keep telling them they're exercising the wrong muscles but they don't seem to believe me. I'll go for a few more session and then back to the spinal doctor and discuss it with him.

RIP to Charles N Brown, the founder and editor-in-chief of Locus Magazine, which I've been reading for over two decades. I read my first issue at Lavona's first LaPub Live when I awakened early and was sipping coffee and needed something to read before everyone else got up. I found a Locus and read it, then read another, and so on. He died on the plane flight home from a convention. I just found out when I got my current issue of Locus, delivered late (as always) by the post office.

My car is still acting weird and I need to take it in for service. I'm just not motivated now and don't need another fight on my hands. And you just know it'll be a fight. That's not what I need now. More stress.

Anyway, I'm going back to reading this Christopher Moore book I got from Dave near the end of hockey season. I've been a bad boy, and need to finish and return it.

Updates and Such (Microsoft, Health, etc)

Let's start with something that amuses me: A US federal court judge has banned Microsoft from selling Word over patent infringement claims and has added a $290 million dollar fine for wilful infringement. Microsoft, of course, plans to appeal. This will be like the case where Apple sued them for stealing the trash-can on the desktop and was ultimately settled out of court. Microsoft can't afford to not ship Word.

I want to thank all the people who have expressed concern so far. Yeah, I feel like absolute shite. I sleep all night and wake up more tired than when I go to bed, I am not eating, losing weight, can concentrate, and all that good stuff. There is obviously a cause and it will be found. I am optimistic on that front. Co-workers, friends, and so on all tell me I don't look well, and considering how I feel it's no wonder.

I have managed to get my cardiologist appointment moved up to Tuesday. I am pretty much unable to function properly. I fell asleep last night while watching Blazing Saddles, the funniest movie ever. That can't be a good sign. I've asked Dad to cancel the rest of his vacation and come home and he's obliging me. I'm normally skeptical of parental support but he's been super for the most part.

Today at physical therapy (whiplash bit) I fell asleep in the waiting room. I fell asleep again on the exercise table while lifting the weight. And a third time while being iced (but that's okay -- that's when I'm supposed to be relaxed).

I'll have to discuss this with the doctor, but I don't understand how I can be so exhausted if my heart is working and my blood flow is fine and my cell counts are fine and so on. Because they are all spot-on. So something else is wrong -- it's got to be something with the PVC. Anyway, I hope to discuss it with him.

I've updated my will, just finished, and now have to contact a probate lawyer -- already was recommended one by the legendary Razzie to have it all looked over. Just in case, you know. I haven't touched this thing since 2002 and it was a mess. I added and removed people, updated contact details, and so on and so forth. But don't panic, I plan to be around to haunt you for a while yet.

Today's Stuff Continues

So I call my doctor and he speaks to me. He is concerned. I have an appointment to see a cardiologist. The appointment is 10 days away and I'm trying to get it moved closer. My stress level is beyond belief. I am certain I am causing myself damage with this much stress.

I am tired. Exhausted. I sleep at home until it's bed time. I sleep. I wake up feeling like I haven't slept. I fall asleep at my desk at work. I am not sure if it's the pill or something else. My acid reflux is in overdrive and not even the Nexium is taming it. The inside of my lip still hurts. I'm lonely and that normally doesn't even bug me. Part of me wants to be alone and part of me doesn't. It's weird.

I've lost a lot of my coordination (shut up -- I heard that) and that's troubling. I knock stuff over accidentally, bump into things. I'm also confused sometimes. I'll get asked a question and I can't just answer it any more. I have to think and see if there's an answer brewing. I itch everywhere but not all at once. My vision isn't so good -- by which I meant it's slightly blurrier than it was before all the shit hit the fan. I am absolutely disintegrating. As I said yesterday, I can't function any more. When Dad returns from holiday I have to do something.

I feel like I want to be in some psychiatric ward with some books and TV and just be alone. I'm quite sure that's not a normal feeling. Maybe I'm going crazy. I've been trying to read this book Dave gave me, and it's pretty good but I can't concentrate and am barely getting a few pages a day done. When I can't read, that's really bad. I'm watching crap TV to try and distract myself (and it's not working well.)

I appreciate the support from so many of you over the past few months as I've started falling apart. Some of you have offered help in various aspects and it's all appreciated. I think I need more support than you guys can give. Today is still a 1 or 1.5 on a scale of 1 to 10.

Oh, and I'm not eating again. I try. I eat a tiny amount but I can't eat enough to make a difference which is, I am sure, part of my energy problem. I've tried forcing myself too. Yesterday's food intake was a bowl of Special-K and three slices of ham. Today's food intake has been a bowl of Special-K, two cookies, five slices of ham, and a Mars (UK) bar. That last item is on my forbidden list.

I think if I were a dog, the vet would put me down. Blech.

Today's Stuff

Today was a high stress day. Mostly I think I'll mention I had my stress test and on the good side, I made it the whole ten minutes. On the bad side, the irregular heartbeat definitely showed. They sent me on my way since they couldn't get my doctor on the phone (too early).

Had to have a meeting today so left the office for what should have been an hour but due to traffic was three. Came back to two messages from my doctor to call right away. Got the nurse and she said to call tomorrow morning right away.

My heart is just driving me nuts today but hopefully because I had to be off the meds today for the test. On a scale of 1 to 10, today is definitely a 1. I think I'm suffering from depression. Seriously. I am so overwhelmed at this point I can't function.

I was asked why I am so opposed to the new healthcare plan. It's hard for me to verbalize much of anything lately. But I refer you to this article at CNN (in the Fortune magazine section) which explains just some of the problems. Check it out. It's not the free ride everyone seems to think it is. And there's no free ride. Someone pays.

Today's Random Activities

Had nothing to do and I've been trying to keep busy. Woke up and called John at 10am as planned. Went over and saw his new house. It's really nice and still looks like everyone's house does when unpacked. But it's got a great layout, the neighbourhood's nice. Huge kitchen, and so on. I met the kitty and we got on fine. Picked up and petted kitty.

We ended up going to this BBQ place only to find out it wasn't open. So we're 0 for 2 on that and ended up at Ernie's (as I recollect) and had lunch there. Went to a cool record store. Went to the Apple store. I think I am going to finally get a laptop computer. Work will pick up some of the expense and then I can have a laptop. It's a few weeks off, but that's the plan.

Came home and did laundry. Got a reminder call from the hospital about tomorrow's test. Because of tomorrow's test my last food was eaten at 8pm tonight. No food, medicine, anything.

So, Karen came over and we went to Olive Garden (yuck) for dinner. The soup was awesome. I'll give it that. Beyond that, not my first choice. We planned on desert but it was too crowded at ColdStone so she went home.

Been fighting with iTunes all day via email. My account isn't working properly and they've now made me a new one (I don't want a new one -- there's nothing wrong with my old one) so now I have two Apple IDs and three iTunes logins. And it all started because I asked where my one song I ordered had vanished to. That is still unresolved. I am pissed.

I also need to update my will which I am working on. I'm removing lots of people and adding a few. It's a hard thing to do, but it needs to be done. Then I've got to get it off to a lawyer for checking. Razzie has recommended one down here, so I'll do that. I'm not planning on dying right at the moment, but just in case I want to make sure some people are not forgotten.

I continue to get "private" calls on my caller ID. I don't answer them. Never have, never will. But it's odd because usually they're telemarketers. But that's not something I usually see on a Sunday night. I had just missed this one -- came in while I was at dinner. Quite odd. I also continue to get some odd search hits on my blog. I suspect it's all related to this ongoing nightmare identity theft thing. There's me, the famous photographer, and this douchebag who all share my name. The photographer's very legit. The problem is the guy pretending to be -- or as I suspect multiple people pretending to be me since it appears my information (as I said before was sold). I am quite certain I am not a Hispanic male. I am also not a black female. And I've not written lots of bad checks. Nor opened an Amex card for a Hispanic male as a cosigner. I could go on.

Just a Quick update.

First, Suzie-Q had a great review of the Kindle on her blog. I may consider getting one around the holidays if it's in the cards at that time.

Second, I haven't had any odd reactions to the unnamed pharmaceutical I started taking last night (with much trepidation, I assure you.) I am opposed to most pharmaceuticals and take as few as possible, and I am very opposed to stuff like this. Yeah, a small itchy patch but I get those anyway so I'm not concerned. Dry mouth, yeah. A little tired, yeah. But nothing bad happened. And my heart is slightly improved. I even ate lunch today. A full meal. I take a 1/2 dose twice per day through Sunday AM then stop for my stress test and do not resume said drug until after consultation with my doctor. Everyone is assuring me I should not be stressed about the stress test. That's like saying "don't think about Megan Fox" to any guy. It just doesn't work.

I had the second round of physical therapy today. I like the therapist I had today much better than my original one. I have changed next week's appointments so I can see her instead of the guy. She actually explained each exercise and what we were trying to accomplish with it. It makes it better. I had asked about the ultrasound my doctor insisted be done, but she said they won't do it until after the fourth visit.

I am going to update my will over the weekend. I am not looking forward to it. That way I have something on file that is more accurate than my eight year old version.

Nice article on Abbey Road 40 years on over at the BBC News website.

Trying to organize stuff to do this weekend without much success :(

Another Day....

Today I had my first full physical therapy session for my neck. They damn near killed me, but I think that's good. Next session I have to talk to them because they didn't do a number of things on the doctor's prescription. But they did do a lot of exercises for me, though there was one that involved holding my chin I couldn't do -- it's still too torn up inside to really touch and I nearly scared the poor therapist to death when I smacked his hand away. Once I showed him the inside, he understood, though he was probably repulsed. (There's some sort of growth on it now, and I need to get that checked out. It's always something.)

I got my prescription but I'm afraid to take it. The list of side effects is daunting and it's highly addictive. I'll take it for three days to see if it works, but I just don't want to take something that's got this many common side effects.

Legendary director John Hughes, the man behind The Breakfast Club, Pretty in Pink, and Ferris Bueller's Day Off as well as other seminal works of the teen-film canon of the 1980s, as well as the screenplay for Home Alone, has died in New York from a heart attack. He was just 59. More from CBC here.

A friend (I think it was Lisa) had this on her Facebook feed. Ex-local scumbag newsman Rick Sanchez, who is now with CNN, did an interview with Rick Scott and just totally wasted him. He's the guy who got fined $1.7 billion (yeah billion) for defrauding the government. He's stumping about the health care plan and Rick points out his credibility issue. This is priceless. (For the record I am opposed to this new healthcare bill because it'll cost way too much and ultimately hurt the people it should help. The numbers do not add up.)

Dunno what's up this weekend but don't want to be alone. :/

Brief Medical Update + Other Stuff

First, I am having a stress test on Monday. That alone is stressing me out. The doctor also sent a prescription in to Walgreens (I watched it transmit) only they don't have it. So now, I have to wait a day to start. My doctor's office is closed Thursday so I am concerned that I may not be able to get it tomorrow either. Ugh. The whole medical list is stored using "Care 360" though it's scary how much information is in there and not just from one doctor. Not that I care that every doctor using it can see everything -- that's an excellent thing, but more about what happens if someone gets in and can see everything you've ever taken? I haven't gotten a Darvocet refill in years and yet it was still in there. Having been the victim of identity theft multiple times and had some people do some pretty bad stuff using my name (see blog posts from the past few years), I am leery of this.

Second, I start physical therapy tomorrow for my physical injuries. It'll be my first real session. I went once before but it was evaluation only. My lip is driving me nuts, though the pain is minimal the lack of feeling in the lower right quarter of my lip is quite bothersome. I forgot to ask the doc about it because I was so focused on my heart.

Third, in 2011 a new museum will open in Las Vegas dedicated to the mob. The U.S. courthouse in downtown Las Vegas is being renovated to make way for the Las Vegas Museum of Organized Crime and Law Enforcement, city officials said. It sounds very interesting and I hope to be able to visit it. Speaking of Vegas, I hope my sister enjoys her first trip there. I wish I could be there and give her the grand tour.

Fourth up, I ate a little more than usual this morning. I have not lost any more weight but my total drop was near ten pounds. As much as I'd like to lose another ten, this isn't the way to do it. This has been an absolutely hellacious 2009. I guess it started in late 2008 (December 5th) when Scooter died, and life never really recovered. The amount of bad things that has happened to me in this short period of time has just been overwhelming. So if I seem worse off than my usual cranky self, I probably am.

Next up, I wish to report my AC is still not behaving properly. I don't think it's the thermostat but that's my next thing to test. I'll get a new one this weekend and see how that pans out.

This last bit from a friend. This is from the White House Blog: There is a lot of disinformation about health insurance reform out there, spanning from control of personal finances to end of life care. These rumors often travel just below the surface via chain emails or through casual conversation. Since we can’t keep track of all of them here at the White House, we’re asking for your help. If you get an email or see something on the web about health insurance reform that seems fishy, send it to flag@whitehouse.gov. My friend commented to me "Please take this opportunity to report my fishy statements about government health care to the authorities so they can properly deal with my dissent." (I won't name him but he can out himself if he wants.) I agree. This is just a bit odd. I am opposed to the government's new plan because it's got more holes than any government program in recent memory and the numbers just do NOT add up. It worries me they want to know who's saying what. This is far too big-brother for my tastes. I give Obama a big fat "F" on this.

Brief Update on Health and Work

So, let's see about today's update. I feel I owe you one.

First, I am scheduled to see the doctor again tomorrow about this heart thing. I am pretty sure I have an idea about it, and I have printed out a page from the web about it. My doctor will laugh because it came from the Internet, but I do have a distinct candidate for the cause (but not the solution). Keep in mind this has been a high stress few weeks with many, many things going wrong. The accident, the complications from the accident, the fall, the lip issues, my AC not working, the identity theft issues, my dental woes, and so on. It's more than I can handle. I'm one person and coupled with all the problems at work due to the economy, I am under more pressure than I can handle. Way more. And people keep dumping on me. I guess they're waiting for a meltdown.

Second, speaking of the lip, on the outside, I can pretty much tell the size of the scar. I've bought scar cream to try and make it less noticeable. However, I can't use it until the inside is healed. The wound inside is about 2" long still and not fully healed. I'll have the doc peek at it, but it's really not his thing. But he can tell me if I need to go see someone. The area that was damaged has no feeling in it. I just realized it yesterday. I stabbed myself and didn't even know. That's got to be nerve damage and is about 1-1/2" on the lip. I'll worry about that later.

Thirdly, while it might not mean much to anyone, at work we're almost C-TPAT certified with the US Department of Homeland Security. This has been -- so far -- an eight or nine month and counting process. It's a program that makes sure that companies who bring stuff into the USA from aboard don't inadvertently have "things that don't belong" with their materials. It protects us against all manner of illegal things from drugs to terrorist items. While, as a company, we're a very unlikely target for some weird terrorist weapon, that might be right where they'd try. Sneak a fuse in with one shipment to company A, a detonator to company B, and so on. I went to a seminar last November (and everyone knows how much I hate those damned things) but it was pretty good and I ended up doing it. People knock the government often (and many times they deserve it) but the people at DOHS have been amazingly helpful and supportive in this difficult process. I will admit to wanting to beat my head against the wall a few dozen times, maybe even theirs once or twice, but our company is better for it. We have procedures and such that are beneficial to everyone.

Third, we have a raccoon at work. We've been invaded. Monday we came in and saw raccoon paw prints on the employee fridge. Smart raccoon. We yelled at the cat for taking a dump on the carpet in front of the door. The cat has never done it before. (I didn't see the dump or I'd have known it wasn't the cat.) Today we came in and there were many more dumps -- some of them really large. I'd have guessed a dog or small child but there were raccoon prints in some dust. We are getting a no-kill trap tomorrow and setting it. We also think it may have got into the office because there was a horrific smell this morning, though I am not sure there was any way for it to get in. If that doesn't work, then we'll have to hire a professional. We can't come into piles of crap every day.

Lastly, the AC people have stood me up and I am pissed. Mightily so. In my weakened state, heat is bad. Oh, I think I forgot to eat today. Sadly, I'm not hungry and I continue to lose weight. Maybe my headache would better if I ate. I'll eat something that doesn't require cooking. Oh, and a special "hey" to Erin who returned to work and to Paul a bonus "my thoughts are with you".

Feeling Unwell :(

I am going to call my doctor before Thursday. That will be two weeks from the date of the cortisone shot. My messed up heartbeat is not getting better at all. I don't think it's related to the cortisone shot, really. On the plus side, I don't have shooting arm pain, shortness of breath, numbness: those are the real bad signs. And the EKG was normal. On the minus side I just don't feel well and something is wrong because I can feel it. I suspect I'll get the 24 hour monitor and then who knows. I might not wait until Thursday if it still feels this bad on Monday. I did skate for nearly two hours today -- just laps at a slow rate of speed, nothing fancy. I wasn't even winded nor did I have any trouble. I should take some solace in that. That was from 10am to 12n. Around 230 or so it really started acting up.

Disney announced yesterday that they are raising their ticket prices again. Really. The base price of a one-day, one-park adult ticket will increase from $75 to $79. Prices for the multi-day ticket packages also will rise. The new prices will go into effect tomorrow. The ticket increases come a day after Disney announced its third-quarter profit dropped 26 percent. I'm not sure how they can possibly think raising prices in this economy is a good idea. That's just an insane amount of money for a one-day, one-park ticket. I love Disney but even I think it's just not worth it. They're on crack: it's the only explanation.

A quick note on this item in The Sun. Yes, it's a bikini that dissolves in water. I can certainly think of a few people I'd like to see wearing it. I just can't see any guy surviving after giving this as a gift. I mean, can you imagine what would happen if you gave this to a girl you liked? I could: she'd kill me dead on the spot. And if she wore it, not realizing it would dissolve, that's even worse. Still, it amuses me.

I'm bored but nobody's around to do anything :(