Dave Barry on Permanent Hiatus

In my original blog post a year ago I mentioned Dave Barry was going on hiatus and said he'd announce more after a year. I predicted this hiatus would probably be permanent. Today he announced that it would, indeed, be permanent. The newswire story says it all. Or read the official interview and statement if you prefer.

I am angry that I cannot read 'new' Dave anymore, but I am happy that he's doing something that makes him happy. I guess we call it mixed emotions. Good luck to Dave. I guess we're all stuck buying books from now on, not that it's a bad thing.

Dave, we hardly knew ye'

Almost Famous

Someone had asked me last week if I was 'friends' with anyone famous. That's interesting because everyone defines 'friend' differently. We drifted off into the do you know anyone famous, and then would anyone famous recognize you discussions? So I decided to compile a list of sorts. Feel free to us the comments field to post your lists.

First, we have the Pro-Entropy brigade. Pro-Entropy had three celebrities: Dave Barry, Terry Pratchett, and Douglas Adams. As sysop I did get to interact with them from time to time on technical issues. A pretty literary group I suppose. I've only actually met Dave though. Via e-mail I've corresponded with a number of people over the years, but that doesn't necessarily mean we're friends or even that they know who I am: Orson Scott Card, Terry Pratchett, and Douglas Adams, the most significant. And, back in the days before email, when paper ruled the world, Herb Caen and I exchanged letters.

Then we have the 'celebrities who would recognize your name' collection: Dave Barry, Philip Michael Thomas, and Rocky Frisco. I know these three would recognize my name for sure -- but that doesn't mean I'm friends with them. Okay, I'm friends with Rocky and we've never even met. But, although I know more celebrities, I can't imagine they'd remember who I am. My ego isn't big enough to pretend otherwise.

We also have the semi-famous as well. John Charles, I feel, is a celebrity. I know him well, but I don't know if he counts based on the fact not everyone knows him. Everyone should know him.

In terms of famous people I've actually met (that means there was an introduction and a conversation) there's a long list. Don Johnson, Philip Michael Thomas, Olivia Brown, Edward James Olmos, John Diehl, Michael Talbot, and Saundra Santiago (the entire cast of Miami Vice) where my mother was part of the OCB Detective extra brigade. Philip and I both went to Berkeley and I even have a nice little booklet he authored back in his school days which he wrote a poem on and gave to me. He's an awesome guy. I also spent some time talking to EJO right before the Oscars when he won for Stand And Deliver: that was at the cast season wrap part for Vice. I also met Michael Mann at one of the cast parties along with Melanie Griffin when she was still with Don. Melanie was really sweet to me -- I was still a teenager and very impressed with her. (Come on, teen guy meets hot babe.....)

On airplanes I've briefly encountered: Jimmy Johnson (thrice), Don King, Jerry Lewis, Richard Kiel, Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley (whilst they were married), Robert Di Niro, David Bowie, and Iman. I also sat near John Grisham -- I don't know him, didn't meet him, and didn't even say hi. I knew it was him because the person behind him was reading one of his books and his face was on the back of the book jacket and it was a bit surreal seeing someone sitting in the front row and the person behind him reading a book with his face on it.

I've briefly encountered some famous musicians as well: Eddie Veder, Neil Young, and Jimmy Buffett.

I've been less than 10 feet away from several presidents: Clinton (four times in two cities), Bush Sr, and Bush Jr (thrice). I've never met them, though I secretly wish my fist could meet the face of Bush Jr to thank him for all he's done for this country. (That isn't a threat, just a secret fantasy for all you secret service types). I ran into Ernesto Zedillo the former president of Mexico and had a very brief conversation, but I won't count that since I had no idea who he was until after I had met him.

Although I never met her, DAR Systems had Joan Collins as a customer. I still have a copy of the first order she placed.

Blast(s) From The Past

I often write movie reviews, concert reviews, and theatre reviews and I've not been good about getting them out except to a few people here and there, so I've decided to do some retroactive posts. I will add them all into my blog with the original date they were posted. These posts will be clearly identified at the top so you know they were stuck-in after the fact. I decided to do it that way so newcomers to my blog will not be confused by a rash of time-distorted postings all at once. These reviews are unedited and probably contain errors, but if you really care, let me know and I will fix them. I posted them without even looking -- strictly cut and paste.

This post will be periodically updated with a list of the specific postings in question and links to same:

Retroactive Concert Entries:
Tina Turner (Sunrise, FL) 19 April 2000
Simon & Garfunkel (Miami, FL and Sunrise, FL) 18 December 2003
Elton John (Royal Albert Hall, London) 6 July 2004 (a royal benefit performance)

Retroactive Movie Entries:
Crouching Tiger 14 January 2001
AI 30 June 2001
Billy Elliot 22 April 2001
LOTR Fellowship of the Ring 23 December 2001
LOTR The Two Towers 22 December 2002
Pirates of the Caribbean 17 July 2003
LOTR The Return of the King 21 December 2003
Harry Potter Prisoner of Azkaban 13 June 2004
Revenge of the Sith 25 May 2005
Chronicles of Narnia Lion Witch Wardrobe 11 December 2005

Retroactive Play Entries:
Cirque Du Soliel Ká (Las Vegas) 14 March 2005
Lennon The Musical (San Francisco) 18 April 2005


Although I write many book reviews and CD reviews as well, I simply don't have the energy to retroactively post them all. I just took the reviews I have saved so far of select movies, plays, and concerts and have posted them.

I love my Mac

I refer to this cool link for all the MacHeads out there. It's an awesome song about, well, Macs. Props to my friend Ernie (I stole it from his blog) for this awesome link.

I should say something perverted and ask exactly how he loves his Mac, but I'm afraid he might answer :)

(12-29: Information Week Magazine called me at work today to interview me about the use of Macs at our office. I am sure they won't publish most of it, but I gave them some very choice comments about Microsoft just in case.... [They ended up publishing a great deal of it])

Satellite Items

Okay, just a brief note. I've had DirecTV for many years and I still really like it despite some arcane rules on what they can and can't broadcast to a specific neighborhood*. I still think it's fantastic and can't imagine why anyone would ever get cable. Cable sucks. I had cable for years and I was never happy. Now I'm happy with TV. I just wanted to share.

So speaking of the same topic, I always had said I would never, ever pay for radio. After all, why pay for what's free? (Some of you may have heard this story). I got a new car awhile back and it came with XM Radio pre-installed. No big deal, except I got 3 months of free service. After a few weeks, I figured I'd try it -- what the hell, right? Nefarious bastards got me hooked. I subscribed and paid the whole year up front. I listen to stations in the 40s on the dial.

There is no point to this post but I just wanted to share. Yay.


* Telecommunications Act of 1991

I am Sociopath. Lucky me.

I took this online test and my comments are in green.

Sociopath
You are 85% Rational, 14% Extroverted, 57% Brutal, and 85% Arrogant.
I am not sure how I feel about this test, but thank god it's not necessarily for real.

You are the Sociopath! As a result of your cold, calculating rationality, your introversion (and ability to keep quiet), your brutality, and your arrogance, you would make a very cunning serial killer. You care very little for the feelings of others, possibly because you are not a very emotional person. You are also very calculating and intelligent, making you a perfect criminal mastermind. Also, you are a very arrogant person, tending to see yourself as better than others, providing you a strong ability to perceive others as weak little animals, thus making it easier to kill them. In short, your personality defect is the fact that you could easily be a sociopath, because you are calculating, unemotional, brutal, and arrogant. Please don't kill me for writing mean things about you!

To put it less negatively:
1. You are more RATIONAL than intuitive. Probably so.
2. You are more INTROVERTED than extroverted. Duh.
3. You are more BRUTAL than gentle. I sort of disagree here but the test says so down below.
4. You are more ARROGANT than humble. Yeah, well no surprises here.

Compatibility:
Your exact opposite is the Hippie. Other personalities you would probably get along with are the Spiteful Loner, the Smartass, and the Capitalist Pig. Yeah, well we know I'd get along with the Smartass because I am one, dammit.

If you scored near fifty percent for a certain trait (42%-58%), you could very well go either way. For example, someone with 42% Extroversion is slightly leaning towards being an introvert, but is close enough to being an extrovert to be classified that way as well. Below is a list of the other personality types so that you can determine which other possible categories you may fill if you scored near fifty percent for certain traits.

The other personality types: Deleted to save space. Take the test to see 'em.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
You scored higher than 70% on Rationality
You scored higher than 12% on Extroversion
You scored higher than 70% on Brutality
You scored higher than 95% on Arrogance

Link: The Personality Defect Test

Seti@Home Goes Boinc

Hello Everybody!

Well, for those who have lost track Seti@Home classic shut down yesterday and is no more. I appreciate those of you who support Seti@Home whether it be with our team or another team.

Team CMOT (renamed Team Orkut) is still there on the Classic pages, but no more data is being accepted or distributed and messages are being sent to any remaining clients that are running. Team Orkut now exists on the new BOINC client and members from our old team are starting to switch over. Best of all, you get to bring your Classic credits with you! I think you'll find the new client friendlier. You can even get the "Classic" graphics to run in screensaver mode but in 3D so it's especially cool. It's also a lot more configurable to your particular hardware and you can even create profiles for home, school, and/or work.

For details, just follow the links from http://www.darsys.com/seti.html to the appropriate page to view our team, join or team, or even join Seti@Home but with someone else's team. Rather than post lots of links here, I figured I'd just show the old Team CMOT home page which has freshly updated links. If you haven't been recently, check it out!

I do want to remind everyone you are more than welcome to join Team Orkut. Please, come over and join us. It's a great cause.

Bush, Bullshit, Grammar, Ads, Used Computers, Sina, and Gorillaz

First, we have Matt Deatherage's blog post about Bush's service record. Originally CBS was accused of forging the documents. Only, well, they weren't forged. I don't want to steal Matt's blogging efforts, so go here to read it. I am never above a shot at Bush either so here's a quick (old) joke before I go on:

GEORGE W. BUSH PRESIDENTIAL LIBRARY DESTROYED BY FLOOD
Crawford, Texas (AP) -- A tragic flood this morning destroyed the personal library of President George W. Bush. The flood began in the presidential bathroom where the books were kept. Both books have been lost. A presidential spokesman said the president was devastated, as he had almost finished coloring the second one. The White House tried to call FEMA but there was no answer. (from RHF 12-12-05 Henry Farkas)

Now, on to my next topic. I subscribe to a great weekly e-newsletter called This Is True, and you should too. Randy who runs it is a good guy. He doesn't sell your information or even rent it out. Those of you who may remember and/or have been graced with those cool "Get Out Of Hell" cards I gave out; well I got 'em from Randy. So why do I mention This Is True? Because of this article, one of many in this week's mailing:

TYPE OH: Moon God Drinking Products Co., a skin care company in China, has offered a bounty of 1,000 yuan (US$120) for every typographical or literary error found in a day's editions of four Chinese publications in an attempt to embarrass journalists into better writing. Hao Mingjian, who came up with the idea for the bounty, said that "China's press has lost its polish in the past decade or two," which "reflects a chaotic cultural environment and shows people lack a sense of responsibility." (Reuters) ... Nice try, but journalists can't be embarrassed.

I hate bad grammar, and this really amused the hell out of me. I used to write our local paper about their occasional atrocities, but once they actually argued with me. The Miami Herald, aka the Daily Fishwrapper, isn't populated by the sharpest tools in the shed. It was, after all a headline with a terrible error with an apostrophe. Instead of apologizing, ignoring me, or otherwise moving on, I got a typed(!) letter from the editor in question arguing with me. Yes, it's true. "The Shark's Were Out" indeed. Not. After five years, this made the event pop back in my head.

And, a brief word about Google's AdSense. Yeah, I've put ads up on my blog. This is recent and has been here for a few weeks -- I doubt you've noticed, and judging by the click-throughs nobody else has either. You're not supposed to draw anyone's attention to them either (nor encourage people to click on them). But I want you to look at them for a minute. I find it fascinating, because sometimes some really weird ads come up. I understand why it was running roofing ads (my Wilma post) and sponsorship ads (my Panthers tirade) and even charity ads (my Katrina/Wilma posts), but sometimes I get some really messed-up ads. I think you'll find them amusing sometimes.

Besides posting Google's AdSense ads in the hopes of defraying some of this site's expenses, I have also posted a link where you can just donate right to my webhosting bill. Donations go right to my webhosting account and not to me so no worries about me absconding with whatever pennies you may throw my way. Also, if you sign up for hosting a Dreamhost and give my address out, I will get a small credit towards my bill (or if you e-mail me, I can request the credit.) There were other far more lucrative options available to me for ads, but I didn't want to be intrusive, and I thought this was the best way. Help the sites and blog continue in any way you feel fit.

Speaking of ads, the banner at the bottom is not an ad, but a link to a site I rather enjoy. Yes, I actually own a rap album now. And I really like it. So there. Deal. You might want to go there and listen to some of the songs. Gorillaz' Demon Days is a truly rocking album. I bet nobody I know ever pegged me to deliberately buy a rap album. I'm thinking of buying their first album now. Scary, eh?

Oh, and someone I haven't spoken to since 1984 sent me a holiday card today. I guess he Googled me. I used to work with him at the Used Computer Store when I was attending Berkeley. I can't believe they still have the same logo, but they do. Anyway, his name's Sina Balour and this is a little shout out because he was cool then. I bet he's still cool now. Like I'm an authority on cool. Hah. As if.

UC Berkeley Makes War On Religious Zealots

This article is so beautiful I want to cry. As a card-carrying, lifetime member of the University of California Berkeley Alumni Association, I may have never been so proud of my school.

UC Berkeley has decided that you actually have to meet certain criteria to enter our hallowed institution and some schools seem to object. Please, read the article at http://tinyurl.com/c43tt for the full details. (Berkeley has always had criteria, but they, as one of the best schools in the world actually enforce them.)

Berkeley objected to a science book that said: "The people who have prepared this book have tried consistently to put the Word of God first and science second. If at any point God's Word is not put first, the author apologizes."

Thank god* the UC Berkeley Bears have standards and are willing to stand up for what they require as a proper education. This isn't a discrimination issue. Berkeley has a hard science requirement and there's no reason a student can't take a qualifying class at another school. All schools have any number of requirements for admission and you must meet them all.

* That is so ironic I can't stand it.

Chronicles of Narnia: Lion Witch Wardrobe

This is a retro-post. I put this online 24 December 2005 using the date it was originally sent out.

First, if you've read the book this review will be Spoiler Free. If you haven't read the book you may want to skip this until you've seen the film.

Secondly, I last read this book over 25 years ago. Please keep that in mind.

CON by CS Lewis, as you must know, is highly allegorical in nature. The entire series has deep religious overtones throughout the novel. Separating it out would be simply impossible. Even as a child reading them, it was obvious. The only way to present CON properly would be to embrace the religious overtones. Despite my long standing opinions of religion, I really enjoyed the book and looked forward with anticipation of the film.

The films starts showing how the children came to be in the country estate. Therein is my first qualm. In the novel, the children hide in the wardrobe during a household tour (or so Maury informs me). Tours of large estates were a common way for the gentry to help pay expenses during wartime so this makes sense. However, there is instead a scene with a cricket ball through a window which causes the children to run and hide. That rings false because English children would go right up and apologize and take responsibility, especially in the 1940s -- we won't even mention that there would be no other suspects for same. Hell, even American children were better back in the 1940s. I'm not sure why they changed that -- it was fine as written. Oh well.

As for the film: Peter is the standout of the children. I found little Lucy to be irritating especially her smile which was contrived looking. Susan was boring but adequate. I thought Edmund was broody and moody but lacked any sort of facial ability to convey any emotion he was feeling. These children will not win Oscars for their roles. I think they went more for the "cute kid" than the best actor -- it's a Disney film after all. Peter definitely had the role of the big brother trying to be the man of the house down pat, but Osment he is not.

(Then I had to have an argument with the asshole behind me who spent the entire film so far commentating to his neighbours. I actually stood up, turned around and told him to shut up. It worked. Yay. Of course the adult is the worst behaved one in the theatre. In fact it was over 50% adult-only parties.)

Let me discuss Aslan for a bit. I have never seen a more realistic CGI effort in my life. Having met big cats up close I was floored. It makes what I've seen of Kong in the previews seem amateurish. I am still amazed at how real Aslan looked and felt. Amazing. Then they go and ruin it by using a fur carpet on the altar instead of CGI -- a very obvious change.

My memories of the book are very fuzzy, but what I see on the screen seems pretty faithful. I actually remembered lines and scenes as I saw them. Sort of a deja-vu experience. The fawn Mr. Tumnus was well done. The White Witch was amazingly done though she kept reminding me of Glen Close.

There is an added scene not in the book. Well the scene is there but they changed it to make it "more exciting" (the river scene with the ice). I just wonder why you have to take such a good book and add to it. Especially when you sit there and wonder why they didn't die of hypothermia (of course that reminds me of the Titanic film for the same reason).

As an adult, I was distracted by the religious references but it may have been that I was expecting them having read the book. It's probably me, so I have to say don't be fearful of that. I also find it ironic that this magical world is being embraced by the same religious zealots who damn Harry Potter.

Visually Narnia has come to life. It's amazing and very similar to what I'd picture. The beavers are a riot and I rather enjoyed their banter which I don't recollect being in the book, but I could be wrong. I believe I head that this was also filmed in New Zealand. There are one or two shots which were obviously done with blue-screens and matte backgrounds which I find odd that they'd use in such a big budget film. That is a picked nit, though.

The score is very well done. In that I mean it fits the film very well along with the mood and scenery. At 2h 15m this film felt very, very short. Too short in fact. That's a compliment :)

After the credits start start, STAY. There is a little more movie in the credits along with a bonus song by Alanis Morisette.


-- E

PS: CS Lewis like Tolkien was opposed to a movie version of his works. It hink technological changes have made this a worthwhile endeavour.

I have windows -- Another Hurricane Wilma Update

I no longer have Glad(R) bags as windows! Yes, it's true, my home's windows are now back to being glass. My landscaping is mostly replanted and restored.

The only exterior visible damage is the roof, a section of rain gutter, and the freshly planted landscaping. The roof is no longer in the backyard and has been (im)properly disposed of. My roof is still partially up, I don't really intended to mislead.

Interior damage is "limited" to the following areas:

1. Inside the garage (ceiling collapse due to separation of the roof). The entire ceiling is collapsed.
2. The kitchen drywall is ruined and separated from the wall. This is due to running water inside the walls. Again, coming from the roof. This is because the roof, well, it isn't there. Some patchwork repairs were done by piling tiles over the now rotted-out plywood. It keeps the water from pouring in so fast.
3. The guest bathroom, upstairs AC closet, upstairs hall, and staircase all have severe drywall damage again due to the roof. (See kitchen for boring description).
4. My bedroom has some small damage around the AC duct. This is actually from water running down the ductwork from the leak in #3 -- not due to a roof leak.
5. My closet and shower have lots of mold stains on the ceiling which means there is water up above them that hasn't yet come through.
6. Oh and, of course, the roof.

Still waiting on the insurance company. I can see it's not going well.

Whither Yon NHL Florida Panthers?

It's time for me to weigh in on two topics. And, I'm going to go out on a limb here by publicly trashing the appropriate people. I made two posts on my Panthers List. I have edited them and am putting them here for the whole world. (It'd be better if comments were posted to the list, but you have to join to post.)

Sponsorhips
First, let's start with the fact that sponsorships on some level are necessary for the survival of any sports team. Period. When they're done right they make teams very, very wealthy: Yankees (MLB), Dallas (NFL), and so on. If you pull the sponsorships every single team will fall into the red, granted some teams might take awhile, but it would happen -- even in the NFL because sponsors buy TV commercials. So grant me this one statement.

Secondary and tertiary forms of income include gate receipts, parking[1], concessions[1], and shares of radio, TV, and program advertising plus of course merchandise licensing.

I wondered to my friends if next time someone took a dump in the WC and flushed[2] you got a recording "this flush sponsored by Tidy-Bowl. I was remarking at the last two games that the Panther games now remind me of the IHL Solar Bears games I used to attend. Or maybe not. At least those were fun.

Yeah, the ice-cats (or whatever they call the irritating cheerleaders this week) are sponsored, but I can live with that. The pillars that offer support to the vaulted ceiling are wrapped, the concrete steps have sponsors, the foyer entrances have sponsors, the walls have sponsors, the concrete pilings have sponsors, the concourses have sponsors, the concession stands have sponsors, the restrooms have sponsors, the suite level has sponsors, and, in fact, the only thing that is (as of yet) unsponsored are the actual urinals and toilet bowls themselves. And I do not object to any of this. It's all fine. They have space and if they want to sell it, bless them to death. However, it is rather irritating to me that they even sold add space where the clock was. No, I don't mean the game clock or the fancy new time clock. I'm talking that old-fashioned thing in each corner that used to tell you the time. Find a clock to tell the time anywhere in arena proper. I dare you. All gone, replaced by ads, the lot.

It's not just the fans either. The press releases they send to the media often contain far more advertising than the actual content of the release. We get releases not only for the Panthers (and all their associated advertising) but we're subjected to releases for the Pit Bulls (yawn), the Bank Atlantic Center, and Sunrise Sports and Entertainment. The last two are nothing but advertising. I have a number of friends in the media, and the Panthers probably wouldn't be happy if they knew how the barrage of releases was being received. It absolutely affects their press coverage. Why? We all know it's unprofessional, but they don't. Many teams have a limited amount of advertising in their releases, but the Panthers have taken it to a whole new level.

They spent tons of money putting in fancy new scoreboards which can display full colour advertising. They spent money on an LED wraparound that can display advertising. That's great. Hey guys? How about spend some money and fix the damned antiques that show the out-of-town scores? They're missing so many letters it can be hard to figure out what they say. And of course the ice has advertising -- amazingly there's still some blank space because the NHL regulates that. Happily the NHL has continued to nix advertising on jerseys, though small shoulder or helmet ads would probably be okay in my book.

The Panthers have found a new source of income: they've sold their soul. I hope it was worth it. The Panthers have totally, completely, and unequivocally gone overboard.

The goals are sponsored, the penalty kills are sponsored, the power plays are sponsored, and even the season is sponsored. However, it is absolutely insane to sponsor ICING. Yes, every single icing is followed by the sponsor's name. It's fucking[3] bush-league is what it is. They're so busy about the sponsorships THEY HAVE FORGOTTEN THE HOCKEY. Morons, the lot.

However, you have to realize they JUST DON'T CARE. They make more money on the other events -- as they've said repeatedly in the media. The Panthers have become a novelty.

The Team, Arena, and everything else
Allan Cohen is a Bad Owner and, frankly, I'd prefer H. Wayne Huizinga. Yes, because although Wayne also treated the Panthers as a business[4] he did one thing Cohen didn't do: he hired smart people to run the hockey side and left the alone and let them run it[5]. Cohen has hired hockey people to run it and then has his hands in everything and doesn't let these people have any autonomy. He apparently lets his personal feelings interfere with the running of the business and hockey operations. Sadly, his feelings and common sense are often at odds.

This man hires Keenan and fires Keenan and then hires him back. Sounds like Steinbrenner and Billy Martin to me. Talk about mixed signals to the entire team. This is also the same guy who created a mini-nightmare for himself when he screwed over Bernie Kosar (who is well loved locally). The same guy who the papers pillory over his wishy-washy ways. So then he signs a deal with the Sun-Sentinel and so much for "fair and balanced" coverage -- what we get is "fair-and-balanced-if-we-like-what-you-say" coverage. Sure, the Herald's David J. Neal, the only competent guy to cover hockey down here is now off the beat[6] and the Herald's paltry hockey coverage has gone from miniscule-but-at-least-competent to invisible-and-barely-on-topic. That may or may not be the fault of the Panthers (personally, I blame the ever-inept Herald) but it doesn't help the situation with the fan base, that's for sure.

I also think Mr. Cohen is a penny-pinching cheapskate, but leave that out of this. On second thought, let's not leave it out. He's turned our Luongo situation into another Vanbiesbrouck situation and we all know how well that worked out. Luongo will be gone. Mark my words on that. And it'll be because of Mr. Cohen -- not Keenan because he doesn't control the purse strings. (There ya' go folks. I've stood up for Keenan. Mark the historic day down on your calendar.)

The arena situation is still horrible. The fans are not happy before they get to their seats. We get indifferent people at the door who refuse to open the door before 6:05pm (6:35pm weekends) even if it's pouring rain. Oh, yeah, thanks guys. We really appreciate that (that's sarcasm, btw). We get no ushers in sections to keep people from walking in front of us, or worse we get ushers who haven't been trained and make a bad situation worse. You have people at the concession stands who make the TSA look lightning fast. These same people have not been trained how to use their cash registers. Then they need a manager to open it up to fix their inevitable mistakes, and they can't find one leaving the customer fuming. The programs are either everywhere or nowhere.

The store and concessions are embarrassingly overpriced. The concession prices are not, I understand, regulated by the team, but Pantherland is. So let me relate a story about the morons there. I asked about the Media Guide every game and why it's December now and it's still not on sale (they're available because the team has copies) and finally I get sick of asking every game and ask Pantherland supervisor who does know and get sent to guest services. Guess where guest services sends me? Back to Pantherland to ask the supervisor there.

So the typical fan has paid $8.50 for a turkey sandwich, $4.00 for a minute maid fruit punch, and $2.50 for a back of chip -- that's $16 to get a dinner -- and spent 18 minutes in line doing it. This after trying to buy a souvenir for his/her son/daughter/niece/nephew. And that after standing outside while the gatekeepers decide standing outside for another 30 seconds is absolutely required because the minute hand hasn't moved JUST YET. What kind of mood is this fan in?

So now the fan is in the arena and in a pretty bad mood, but trying to cheer up because just maybe we'll get an exciting game. What we get is a team that came out of the gate strong and tried really hard and then all of a sudden said "oh, wait, we're the Panthers, we're supposed to suck" That's not quite fair because I absolutely, positively, in no way whatsoever, fault the players on most nights. They come out, and with a few exceptions, they try hard. Sometimes it works, and mostly it doesn't.

This same fan is subjected to blaring music thereby being forced to be silent the entire game or talk during the game because there's no way to talk between plays because you can't hear anything. (I must mention that during the 11-28 game they showed kids dancing on the screen much like they always do. I must mention it because I am not wanting to see little kids dancing to the tune of "I want to sex you up" -- I am not old fashioned, but even I think that's wildly inappropriate.)

To top this all off, South Florida has some very good sports fans. In fact, I hazard to guess there's dozens. Unfortunately, the other 15,000 people are the problem. Arrive fashionably late, leave fashionably early. Walk to or from your seat during play, without any consideration[8] to your neighbours. They blather endlessly on during the game, which would be great if it was about hockey (any team) but I don't care about: your mother's operation, your wife's dog, where you're going on holiday. I also don't want to hear your mobile phone ring every 90 seconds. And thank you for talking into it SO DAMNED LOUD you drown out the names of who just scored. So these are the fans you have rooting for our team.

I used to blame this on coaching and the GM always and without exception. It was a Murray problem, a Keenan disaster, or something like that. In a few rare instances it was a cancer in the locker room -- Bure was a cancer, sorry but his attitude sucked. But you know, all the coaches and GM's are gone now and we still suck. I'd love to blame it all on Keenan[9] but I can't.

Over the years the Panthers have had good years, so-so years, but when did we really start to suck the big, fat, furry one? Oh, yeah, when the team was sold. I was happy it was sold. I state for the record that I was wrong and should have listened to the old adage "be careful what you wish for because you might get it." I would trade Cohen for Huizinga any day.

The problems are Cohen, Keenan (because he is, after all, my whipping boy), and, sadly, us.

(Of course, I still support my team. Nothing here should be construed any other way.)

-- Eric

1-26-05 Addendum: I have to comment more because there's a whole thread about this on another message board which all started with a link to this entry. I am amused by some of the comments but I am accused of being a Keenan hater, which I am. However I have defended him a number of times as GM including in this very blog entry and a number of times on the Panthers List[10] as well. And, for the record, that picture of me is from the second Panthers season and is very old. And to sum it up, the sponsorship hell is getting worse and worse as the season goes on.


[1] in some arenas these are limited due to contractual obligations.
[2] one only hopes, god knows
[3] This is what we call a 100% warranted profanity. This profanity has been sponsored by the Florida Panthers and your local PTA
[4] after all, they are
[5] mostly -- I grant that
[6] Now that's an interesting story[7]
[7] Disclaimer: I like Mr. Neal and respect his opinions even though I sometimes disagree with him.
[8] I will not let people pass during play and make them stand in the middle of the row like total asses they are. I give them a lecture to help them understand. If you'd ALL do that, it'd stop.
[9] God only know I would; I despise his management "style"; schoolyard bullies suck and that's what Keenan is.
[10] Please join us!

Symantec Lets Users Down. Collusion With Sony? Another reason to own a Mac.

I'm sure you've all heard about Sony's rootkit CD protection scheme that silently loaded itself onto every PC on which one of its CDs was played and how it recently backfired quite literally. It's been all over the news, and is, I might add, another reason you shouldn't be using a Windows based PC. However, this rant isn't about Windows. It's about your anti-virus software. In Wired magazine (http://tinyurl.com/ag6oy), Bruce Schneier says that the real story behind Sony's rootkit problem is the lack of response from major security firms like Symantec and McAffee.

Bruce says "The story to pay attention to here is the collusion between big media companies who try to control what we do on our computers and computer-security companies who are supposed to be protecting us.... What do you think of your anti-virus company, the one that didn't notice Sony's rootkit as it infected half a million computers? .... Because it spread through infected CDs, not through internet connections, they didn't notice? This is exactly the kind of thing we're paying those companies to detect -- especially because the rootkit was phoning home."

[Italics and emphasis mine]

Your Printouts Identify You

For details go here: http://www.eff.org/Privacy/printers/

Yes, that's right. Many color printers print a microscopic identification code which can be traced to you. Next time you send the ransom note, keep it in mind. I'm not sure I like this idea.

My picture for use on your dartboard

Earlier this year the NHL Florida Panthers Hockey Club contacted me and other inaugural season ticket holders about using our photos for promotional purposes. This is the Panthers 12th season and there aren't that many season ticket holders left from the 1992-1993 season. Indeed, I am one of the oldest remaining season ticket holders of that select group.

They, with permission, used our photos on the season tickets. Normally there are photos of coaches, significant moments, and players on the front of the ticket. This year, instead, it's season ticket holders. On full season ticket packages, I grace the 12-22-05 ticket* and here's a scan to prove it (245k) -- for those with half-season plans I appear on a March ticket.

Please be aware that by looking at this picture, I disavow all responsibility for cracks in your monitor, as well as retinal damage, etcetera, etcetera.



* For security purposes I have deleted my account number and altered the barcode so it won't scan.

The Big Puta (my trip to the Far East)

Hello:
(Last revised and updated 11-12-05)

Well, I'm back and here's the trip report for Taiwan, Hong Kong, and China brought to you by our sponsor: that nasty bitch Hurricane Wilma.

I'm sure I don't need to tell anyone how much I didn't want to go on this trip -- anyone who knows me heard me bitching about it relentlessly. It was definitely a bad omened trip from the get-go. My expectations for this trip were lower than Dubya's approval ratings. However despite my many complaints, this trip was an experience I will never forget, so in a sense I am glad I went.

The trip to Los Angeles from Miami was uneventful and on-time, which is all you can hope for from a trip. My luggage was checked straight through to Taipei so I didn't even have to deal with that. On future trips, I've learned that I will take much smaller luggage and use the overpriced hotel dry-cleaning service. The big luggage plan was a disaster at the very best -- keeping in mind that our suitcases were bigger than many of the cars we travelled in. Live and learn.

Upon arrival in LAX, I hung around for two hours awaiting Greg's arrival from Fort Lauderdale. We then walked from Terminal Four to Tom Bradley International Terminal and checked in for Air China of Taiwan. The trip from LAX to Taipei was scheduled at about 14 hours and it, too, was on-time (within 30 minutes qualifies as on-time in my book). At least we got to relax in the China Air business class lounge prior to departure. It was small and cramped, but it beats hanging around a terminal.

Let me tell you, a 14 hour flight seems a lot longer than it sounds, plus coupled with the 6 hour MIA-LAX trip and a four hour layover, it was a rough trip. All-in-all it was 26-1/2 hours door-to-door. Customs in Taiwan was a breeze, easier than the US in fact. As you walk through the airport towards customs, they have those full-body x-rays that show everything you have in your person. These are the same ones they want to install in the USA, but the ACLU has been adamantly opposed to due to privacy issues. I've got to say it was pretty cool to see yourself walking by with all your metallic possessions visible on a screen. I wouldn't object and it moves a great deal faster than what we have.

A few days prior to our departure, Greg had noticed the reviews on-line of the Westin in Taipei were less than satisfactory with phrases such as "Genghis Khan" populating the reviews. So, at his behest, we picked the Shangri-La Far Eastern Plaza, at NT$10500 (US$315) per night; it was costly but well worth it. It was the second best hotel I've ever stayed at and a truly impressive place. It actually helped to have a nice hotel with staff that spoke English (and even an American Breakfast buffet) to ease the transition from US to Chinese culture.

Our first day (Monday 10-17) started with a breakfast meeting. Since most of you don't care about the business aspect of this trip, I will skip most of that. However, I do have to point out a few things. We learned the average semi-skilled factory worker makes about US$800 per month or US$9600 per year and the working conditions are very rough on them. They work in hot, greasy, caustic environments wearing shorts and sandals. It's not very pleasant and I felt bad for them. Some factories are much worse than others, but I will skip the descriptions here and just let you see my pictures if you want.

As we drove around, there were a few details worth mentioning. The lowest octane gas they sell there is 93 and the highest is 98. It doesn't cost much more than here, either and it's full serve too so I was rather amused by that. There are 7-11 and Circle-K stores all over Taiwan as well as McDonald's and KFC and some other names you'd recognize as well: many of the restaurants are two story buildings and are always crowded. But their burgers are rice-based and not meat based. The popular local chain in Taiwan is Mos-Burger: you figure it out.

Speaking of driving, there are scooters everywhere. They dart in and out of traffic totally disregarding the traffic laws which are, apparently, only polite suggestions not to be taken seriously by any motorized vehicle, and especially not a scooter. It's amusing and amazing at the same time. And as bad as the drivers in Taiwan could be, they were sane compared to those in Shanghai. I will never set foot in Shanghai again -- it was terrifying.

Another oddity to Taiwan (everywhere except in Taipei city) was the Betel Box-Babes as I call them. On many of the roads there are these small glass boxes the size of mini-vans. Inside are very scantily dressed ladies. If you pull up and toot your horn, they run out and hand you their narcotic nuts and gum which helps keeps drivers awake. I can't explain this any better and our Taiwanese hosts did not discuss it much other than to say it was "bad". (Three links courtesy of David Higgins.)

Taipei itself was a very clean city. Everyone was exceedingly friendly. Many of the signs are bilingual. I'm sure I could find my way around without a guide. We even took the local (new) subway. I enjoyed it there, and wouldn't mind going back one day. It's friendly, clean, and safe.

The culture here is different and the business people all try and drink you under the table. The custom there is that if your host takes a drink, you have to drink the same amount. It's pretty much repeated bottoms-up toasts. After a ½ vial of sake, I gave up. (Sake is Japanese, but we were at a Japanese restaurant.)

All the meals there are multiple (usually 12) course events, served on a round, spinning table (aka the lazy-Susan-of-death). Some of the items are very good. Others leave a great deal to be desired. Fish heads in jelly, gelatinous eels, and sea cucumber are just some of the 'delights' to which I was subjected. Fish eye soup was the most repulsive looking one, though. I refused to even taste it. I do not like my meal looking back at me. Which reminds me that any dish with fish, lobster, prawns, or chicken is pretty much guaranteed to have the head attached when served -- in fact sometimes your fish is still alive when they serve it to you.

This brings us to the Rocky Horror Picture Show Food Moment. (This happened in Tainan, but I'm sticking it here because it's food related.) That morning our hosts from Taipei pick us up and prepare to take us on some factory tours in Tainan. They ask us what we'd like, and being totally sick of Chinese, I jokingly says 'a nice juicy steak' knowing full well we ain't getting one. So it's lunch time, and we're out at lunch with a typical lazy-Susan-of-death meal at a very authentic restaurant (containing no Americans but us and absolutely no trace of the English language). Our host goes to the kitchen area to pick out our meal as is customary, and we're resigned to another seafood extravaganza, and indeed I am not disappointed as I am served a fin from some unknown sea-entity. Then LO AND BEHOLD! in comes a plate of what appears to be small chopstick sized pieces of beef. It is handed to me first, and I take a piece and offer it to everyone. My colleague gets a piece as do the ladies from Taiwan. I take one bite and know something is seriously amiss. I've eaten cow, bison, deer, moose, caribou, and even horse and this is clearly none of them. I nudge Greg's foot to stop him from eating more; as I am preparing to do this, the Tainan big-shot looks pointedly at the plate and says (thought the interpreter) that "we don't eat beef because it is bad luck for business." I'm guessing it was dog, but I really don't want to know.

From Taipei, we went by car to Taichung. The Landis Taichung was a disappointment but even that wasn't too bad. We proceeded on to Chunghua but did not overnight there. I nearly created a serious incident when our host asked, as I understood it, if we wanted to see a very Big Puta. Speaking Spanish and knowing his company had a Spanish name, I started to laugh. It took me some time to realize his accent made Buddha sound like Puta. (It's often customary to offer your business guests a 'massage service' which I had to decline quite forcefully at times. These services come complete with the 'happy ending'.) This particular vendor was accommodating and afforded us the rare honour of inviting us into his very grand home for a tour: this is something that is not normally done over there.

We then drove on to Tainan finding the traffic jam from hell -- we sat in one spot for nearly an hour, later learning the highway was closed due to a huge accident. On the way to Tainan we passed the tracks for the new bullet train which will go from Taipei to Kaohsiung in 90 minutes making four stops. That will make any future trip a lot easier. We were told Tainan was an old, small town. It was pretty damned big: their view of small is not the same as our view of small. Each successive town was smaller and less tourist-friendly than the previous. Tainan had virtually no English outside the hotel, but the Tayhih Landis Tainan was very nice and modern. Like all American breakfasts in this country, it was served cold. (I had already learned to stuff myself at breakfast to avoid lunch at all costs.)

The more rural the city, the more likely you were to find the dreaded squat-toilet. There are very few western style toilets there where you can sit in comfort. They have a porcelain bowl (an oblong sink) right in the center of the floor. You squat over it and go. Oh, yeah, I hope you brought toilet paper because they generally don't provide it. Don't put your toilet paper in there either. There's a small wastebasket next to the squat-toilet for the paper as the pipes can't handle the paper. In modern places you will find a stall with a sign on the door "Western Toilet" or "Sitting Toilet" -- even in Hong Kong this is true.

From Tainan we went on to Kaohsiung, which was a bustling city; however the air was bit hazy and it had a certain odour about it. We stayed at the Grand Hi Lai which was a cool hotel with a fantastic view -- too bad the smog blocked it. We were luckily upgraded to an executive floor which made the stay enjoyable. The lobby sold chocolates which we partook of regularly. They also had erotic chocolates in amazing detail and they were just embarrassing to look at but quite amusing. I wonder if there were nuts in that one piece.... On a nearby cluster of buildings there was an entire amusement park built on the rooftops with a roller coaster, Ferris Wheel, carousels, etcetera; truly a sight to behold.

It was a very friendly town, but air-quality-wise not unlike Newark on a bad day. Like all Far Eastern cities, they have department stores. But these are stores with very specific departments and not like what we have now -- more like the old traditional department stores of yore. It's sort of like individual offices that sell one brand (Burberry) with its own employees, and everything. It's closer to being a mall that a department store. We wasted some time at the mall here looking for a Buddha for Greg's desk. One of the factories we visited (a coating company) was bragging how the average worker lived to be almost 40 years old. Imagine that.

Once again we noticed some rather overt apparently racist attitudes which we found shocking. Invariably the topic of hurricanes came up and Katrina was part of that. They expressed universal disgust at the way it was handled, and we basically agreed. However more upsetting were their comments that at least it was just the poor people or weren't they all black, anyway and other remarks. We got this a number of times and it was shocking. I'm not sure what to make of it.

From Kaohsiung we flew to Hong Kong on DragonAir. Security here is like it used to be in the 1970s in the USA, that is to say virtually non-existent. I could have carried pretty much anything other than live ammunition through and I doubt they would have cared. I highly recommend DragonAir. The flight was fantastic, the service was friendly, and the plane left early because everyone was on board! They didn't make us sit around pointlessly awaiting a phantom departure time.

Hong Kong (locally known as Hongkong, SAR, PRC) customs was relatively easy. Although it returned to Chinese rule in 1997 after England's lease expired, it remains entirely British down to left-hand driving. Everything is in English or bilingual. Much of the population speaks English, and they're very friendly. The subway is awesome and we used it extensively. They also have an Airport Express train which goes from the airport to both Kowloon and Hong Kong proper saving you a very expensive cab ride. Sort of like Heathrow Express but more modern and much faster.

Hong Kong is beyond description and I will gladly return there one day to spend some time. This is one of those rare cities I fell in love with. Hong Kong is a very tall city. There are 100s of buildings over 60 floors many of which are residences/condominiums all of which were embarrassingly small and overpriced at the same time. There is lots of green. Victoria Harbour is amazing as is the Peak's view of the city. We did both of those famous places, took the Walk of Stars, traipsed along Nathan Road, and even took the Star Ferry. We saw an authentic Chinese Junk sailing by. We went to a Night Market where you can buy all sorts of overpriced stuff, but you can often haggle it down to nearly half of the asking price.

This is one of those rare cities you can fall in love with. It is, however, embarrassingly expensive, in fact although it ranks below London and Tokyo on the 'most expensive cities in the world list' I found it to be considerably more expensive. An iced tea is around US$7 and no free refills either. There are many shops, but the famed Hong Kong bargain no longer exists for standard items, though for bespoke clothing you can't go wrong here.

We went to Hong Kong Disney for about 3 hours. It just opened in September 2005 and is accessible by its own private subway/metro route. It's not overly expensive but it's very, very small. Space Mountain (very cool) is the only coaster attraction, and many big attractions simply aren't here: Pirates, Big Thunder, Haunted Mansion, are all missing here. We were done in 3 hours having done all the rides we wanted to. Although they have FastPass, it's not needed. As much as I hate to say it, if you take a pass on this park you aren't missing anything but the spectacular view of the castle with a background of a mountain.

[We considered going home before Wilma once we were aware of it and how severe it might be. For days it looked like it might not hit, or if it did it would be a minor storm. By the time the forecast changed, there was no way we could make it home before the storm hit. So we opted to be productive and continue our trip, figuring we could fly home after it passed. We would find out that the airports were damaged as was everything else. Airports back in our area resumed operations 10-28, and we were scheduled to be back home on 10-30, so at that point we finished the trip. I put this in because so many people asked what our thinking was.]

Because China doesn't recognize Taiwan as an independent nation, converting currency is done in Hong Kong where they take your NT$ convert them to any third currency and then that third currency to Yuan (RMB). It's a very costly procedure. Don't go to Hong Kong or China with Taiwanese money. We took DragonAir on to Shanghai, one of the most populated cities on earth at over 17 million people (more than most countries). We landed through a smogish haze reminiscent of 1980s Los Angeles only worse.

Chinese customs is scary. First, the paperwork is a lot more complex than anywhere else I've been (US included) and there's a medical form to fill out. As you stand in line -- which moves at a glacial pace -- there are doctors scanning the crowd along with lots of police. After medical clearance, you move to passport control where they check your passport, visa, and finally send you through. This process is slow because they study every single stamp in your passport -- and mine is nearly full. There is a big sign that says "The People's Republic of China may refuse to allow you entry into or exit from China without providing any reason" in many languages. Also, they have a separate customs line for Taiwanese citizens. Taiwanese citizens can't fly to China directly: they have to take a 90 minute detour, fly to Hong Kong and then into China because China also will not allow flights from their 'renegade province' -- to say political relations are strained is an understatement. The citizens don't much seem to care.

When you get your first whiff of Shanghai air, you will quote Gollum. "It burns! It burns!" And it's brown and thick. I have to tell you, it's just grotesque. The drivers here are the worst drivers in the universe: they make New Yorkers and Bostonians seem positively calm. In our "pray we make it" car ride to the city, we passed the world's only commercially operating MagLev train which gets from the airport to the city's main train station in 8 minutes going almost 300 miles per hour. It's amazing and I wish we'd have taken it, but our luggage made it impractical, so we were stuck in the one hour car ride from hell.

Shanghai has bicycles like Taiwan has scooters. They're everywhere and they drive no better than the cars. Shanghai is a fascinating city, and I'm sure many people would like it, but I can't say much except it was a unique experience. Greg and myself spent more time walking around Shanghai than any of the other cities simply because we had more time. The city is dirty, I can't emphasize that enough. My eyes, two days later, still are burning like hell and my lungs won't be clear for days. We walked down Nanjing Road, the Bund, and saw the Yangtze which makes the Hudson look like a pristine mountain lake.

The trip home was on China Eastern Airlines. It might not mean much to you, and it didn't mean much to us either. Before I rant, I want to say the flight attendants were delightful and put up with us in good humour. Other than that, I want to remind everyone to never, ever, no matter what, fly an airline owned by a Communist government. The "food" was ample but if you don't want to eat the "meal" who cares. I did not eat my lamb chops for lunch because they were too greasy and unappetizing. When my breakfast came, they put my uneaten lamb chops on top of my omelette. The seats while big could use more padding, the waiting area for the flight was Spartan at best. And, while I'm at it, Pudong airport makes any other major look like a masterpiece. (The design is nice, it's what's IN the airport.) Did you know you can't get a chocolate bar at the airport? Really.

Customs in LAX was a breeze though they didn't have luggage transfer points, so we had to haul our luggage from Tom Bradley to Terminal four. Although we were worried we'd miss our flight, it ended up being an hour late so we were cool. Greg conned us into the Admiral's Club where we waited for the trip home. The rest of the flight was uneventful and I'll end my tale here so you don't have to hear the agony of me coming home to what Wilma did to my home.

I will gladly answer questions if you have any.

Hurricane Wilma Damage Report

I'm back from the Far East, but what have I come back to? As you know, Hurricane Wilma pounded into Florida while I was away. We had toyed with the idea of coming home to prepare in advance of the storm, but Wilma kept changing speed and direction, and we weren't even sure if we were needed back home. Quite frankly, we weren't sure we'd even make it back in time: that would have left us in the USA but not home, so ultimately we decided we'd be better off finishing up the trip. After Wilma hit, we tried to come home, but there simply wasn't any way to get home. The airports were closed, and if we flew to an open airport (Atlanta, for example), there wasn't gas available to drive -- a situation that is still a problem.

My home has sustained extensive damage. The exterior has severe damage to the roof (most of it's in the backyard, instead of on top of the house where it belongs) – the roof needs to be replaced: it is not repairable. There are holes in the roof, the tiles, felt, and tar paper are stripped away and the wood underneath is damaged and broken. There is interior ceiling damage in the garage, downstairs hallway, upstairs hallway, closet, bedroom, and bathroom. Lots of drywall will need replacing, plus the related mold and mildew problems that will come along with it.

I have a broken window pane – one of the big ones in my kitchen (4' x 2' panes). Although I have covered this, the repair of this window – which is comprised of six of these panes will be difficult. As a result of the broken pane, there is water damage.

My lush landscaping is gone. In fact, our entire neighbourhood has been entirely denuded. Whatever trees Katrina missed, Wilma got.

My exterior paint has lots of embedded grass and crap in it. If you've been through a hurricane before, you know how it literally gets blasted into and becomes part of the paint.

Today I took a few dozen pictures for the insurance adjuster and after I talk to him/her next week I can begin the slow clean up and repair process. Today, I piled up the broken tiles on the ground, but the ones on the roof I can't get to. I am unhappy.

11-6-05 update: The insurance adjuster called and we have an appointment for 11-29. Yay. I've been cleaning for days and the yard and everything looks presentable (except for no landscaping) but the roof is still missing large chunks. My roofer and I signed a contract but they don't expect to be able to start until after the first of the year.

More Bad Customer Service (Today: Walgreens)

So, last weekend I use the Internet to renew two Walgreens prescriptions. This should be easy. Normally I use the phone auto-dial system out of privacy concerns, but I decided to be daring. I really don't care if you all know I take AcipHex. Yes, good ole' acid-reflux. So much for privacy, eh? :)

Anyway, so I show up to pick it up last Tuesday. The second prescription was ready, but the AcipHex wasn't despite the fact they had three days to prepare it. I ask why it wasn't ready and they said the insurance company wouldn't release it early. I explained that this was a 'vacation refill' (something where you get your prescription early if you will be out of town when it normally comes due). She said that their records didn't indicate that. Now, I don't have a problem with Walgreens on that aspect at all.

What pissed me off? Well they didn't call me to tell me there was a problem. They wait until I show up after 5pm to let me know there's a problem -- when the insurance company is, obviously, closed. I ask what can be done and they said "Well you can pay for it." I asked how much and I was told $196! I said "no" and let them know I'd pick up BOTH of them on the 11th (today) and asked her to note that on the already filled first prescription. I let them know how irritated I was they didn't call me. "Well we don't have your phone number" I was told. I asked for the manager of the pharmacy and pointed at the label of the first prescription, which, of course, had my phone number on it (required by law in Florida).

I show up today to pick up both prescriptions. Guess what? They had cancelled my first prescription because I didn't collect it on time. I must say the pharmacist on duty was apologetic and filled it just under 5 minutes. But can you believe the idiocy?

Then the cashier rang it up at the FULL price. She had to get the store manager to void the transaction and have the pharmacist re-issue the AcipHex at the insurance co-pay rate. Why? The first pharmacist issued the AcipHex before the 11th despite our conversation. Moron.

Emoticon Idiots

I have a small peeve. It's the rampant misuse of the emoticon :P

Many users use :P as an indication of "funny" or perhaps "happy" or to otherwise indicate mirth.

The :P emoticon signifies a raspberry, which specifically, is what you do when you stick out your tongue and blow air and spittle forward (see: Archie Bunker). Sadly, many of my friends suffer from Emoticon Idiocy.

(I am also peeved by people who insert the "-" between the colon and the letter, but that's just a stylistic preference and separates us old-folks from the I've-just-found-the-Internet folks).

I have spoken.

Family Guy

Okay, I've stalled long enough. It's time for a new post, and here it is. Today's subject ::drum roll:: is the TV show Family Guy. I'm new to the show, actually. I just started watching it this season, by accident. I am loathe to admit I like it, because it's very lowbrow, but, I like it. A lot.

In fact, I like Family Guy so much I went and bought both DVD sets of the first three seasons. I'm almost done the first four DVDs and can't wait to go into the next set.

It's the kind of show that should piss me off. It uses lots of pop culture references which are supposed to be funny even though they're just thrown in. It's the reason that, although I liked Shrek, it never quite rang true for me. I hate throw-away stuff like that. The Simpsons uses the same types of references and weaves them cleverly into the plot.

Yet, I have to say Family Guy makes me laugh, so I'm watching it. Even without the pop culture throw-away stuff, it's still got a lot going on. It's well written (mostly), well voiced, and pretty damned entertaining.

I like Brian the dog the best, but we'll get to that in a moment. I like Stewie as well. Chris is interestingly done. I find Peter to be the least interesting of the lot: he's like Homer Simpson but a lot more stoopid (sic).

Ah, Brian the dog. He reminds me of an ex-friend. He's got the same voice, the same mannerisms, and I didn't even notice until today. I was on I-75 going about 80mph towards Sunrise to meet some friend for lunch and a hockey game when I had an Epiphany. Yes, it was Eric J. Hedlund, also known as Ptomaine*, disguised as a dog. Scary but true. So now, I think I like the show even more.



* Ptomaine is pronounced "Toe-Main" and if in the very rare chance any of his current friends read this post, be sure and call him Ptomaine :) If you want to know what it means look in a dictionary. I'm not telling.

Hurricanes Redux

I am so damn tired of hurricanes. I have been stuck at home all day because of that bitch, Rita. Relatively harmless to us as it turns out (unlike Katrina) but still a nuisance. Frankly, I'd rather be at work. Scary, eh?

BTW, if anyone knows a good roofer, I've been trying to find once since before Katrina.

Why Dell Sucks and Blows! Don't Buy A Dell! (aka Dell Hell)

[This document was sent on our company letterhead via UPS Red. This version has certain phone numbers and order numbers removed for privacy reasons. They are, of course, in the original. It is unedited otherwise.]

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Dell Inc.
Michael Dell and Michael George
Business Systems Division
One Dell Way
Round Rock, TX 78768


Dear Sirs:

I want to tell you quite clearly why this Dell machine is our last. I have never been treated so poorly and so indifferently by a group of people. Your “customer care” department doesn’t care about anything much less their customers. The courtesy of a written reply is requested.

My company distributes construction supplies and hurricane related supplies – check our website to see how hurricane oriented we are. Before and after a storm we are at our very busiest because the products we sell enable people to protect their homes and businesses from the storms and to repair their homes and business after the storm. Without computers our business is brought almost to a halt, as everything needs to be done manually. Plus orders that are e-mailed don’t arrive at all. We’re based in Florida where we get more than our fair share of hurricanes.

Thursday evening the 25th of August, Hurricane Katrina pounded us rather badly, with the eye wall of the storm passing directly over us. We tried to open Friday the 26th but due to lack of water, electricity, and passable roads we unable to and gave up. Saturday morning we came in and emergency power was in place. Our Dell Dimension 4600 came up and running just fine but within five minutes there was a loud “pop” and it died. The timing could not have been worse. I am not unreasonable I do not fault Dell for an act of Mother Nature.

I immediately called tech support. The man I spoke to (an Indian) was very helpful and after 15 minutes was relatively confident the power supply was the problem. I explained how critical this machine was along with the data on it. I said I didn’t care what it cost, but I needed someone to fix it immediately. He said he couldn’t help with that but that the parts department could. I need to point out I deal with foreign call centers all the time, and unlike most Americans they don’t bother me if they’re well run.

Around 8:50am I was connected to the parts department. The parts department (another Indian) said they could send me the special, proprietary power supply. I said that with no other alternative, that would have to do, but I repeated five times that it must be sent UPS RED EARLY AM delivery: that means by 830am. I specifically asked him if he understood what I needed. I explained how important it was. He took my credit card information and said it would be done. The order number was XXXXX.

I spent all day Saturday calling every single computer store in town that was open, asking if they had a power supply for this unit. They all said “No because Dell uses non-standard parts so you have to deal with them.” Why is such a common part proprietary?

Monday morning, at 9:04am I called parts and asked where my supply was. The nice lady (another Indian) informed me it was in Ohio and that it didn’t ship until Sunday. She suggested that perhaps I call DHL and see what they could do. She didn’t quite seem to get why I was upset and she had this idea it was going to be delivered “later in the day” even though it was still in Ohio. She said I could speak to Technical Support who could help me. After 1 hour and 18 minutes on hold, I got someone who said he couldn’t do anything. I repeated again that it wasn’t the cost, and that I wasn’t asking for anything free, just for someone to come in and fix the computer. He said only Parts could authorize that. After more time on hold, I was finally connected with Parts who said only Tech Support could authorize that.

I asked for the phone number to your corporate office and was refused that information. I called my stockbroker and asked him to look it up. You’re a public company after all. I called your corporate offices and asked to speak to an officer of the company. I was transferred to “Escalation” where I got a “this mailbox is full – please try later” message and got disconnected. I called back immediately and again asked for a human to speak to and was transferred before I even finish my sentence to another voice mailbox which, guess what, was also full.

By noon, I was pretty furious as you can imagine. I called again, and this time got a Customer Care agent in Ireland. She was very friendly but not much more helpful, though she at least pretended to be sympathetic. She transferred me back to Parts and promised to stay on the line, but she didn’t. As always, I was asked for a phone number ‘in case we get disconnected’ but (of course) when I was, nobody called back. It’s nice to have a perfect record but not in this case.

I called your corporate office again and got your “Dell Switchboard” again, which I finally figured out is bogus because you can’t get anybody with authority or anyone who even cares. Finally, I get some lady who tries valiantly to help and stay on the line with me, but said “the hold time is too long” and she’d have to leave me to my own devices. She gives me a third case number (XXXXX, XXXXX, and XXXXX are my three case numbers for the same issue.)

I want to point out that every single person I spoke to was clearly explained to that this was your error and that I didn’t even care about the money, but I just wanted it fixed. Nobody wanted to authorize a technician to come out to our place of business and fix our machine.

I was, sometime around 1pm, after being on the phone with Dell for four hours, transferred to a Tech Support line in Panama. I got a technician named Enrique. You should put him in charge of your company. He listened to me, read the case information, and agreed I had been screwed over. He sat with me on the line for nearly 40 minutes waiting for somebody to come to the line – and they blew him off too. He then took the initiative and scheduled a repair order for an on-site person in an effort to help me (062000311) and I wish to report that I was never called in order to make the appointment. Finally around 3pm, I called the 800 number and they said they’d call me in a day or two to see what they could do. Nobody at your company has any sense of urgency. Do you not understand the severity of this situation?

Tuesday I spent more time on the phone as my system was still down. Your dispatch department couldn’t dispatch anyone because they claimed I didn’t have the part. I told them it was in my hands having finally arrived just before lunchtime, but they argued that their computer reflected otherwise. I asked for a supervisor and spoke to Allison. She took my credit card number and promised someone would be here by 2pm. She never called back and no technician showed up. I left messages for her that were not returned. I called late that evening to cancel the service call as I had made other arrangements. I was told they couldn’t cancel it and I had to call tech support. There is not a chance in hell of me doing that. At least I was nice enough to try to cancel it. If you charge my card I will protest it.

Today is Wednesday and the damned thing is fixed via another vendor who has been promised all future hardware business for helping me with Dell hardware when Dell wouldn’t. Even your competitors can understand a critically important situation. They came to my aid and that speaks volumes about both them and you.

I had sent a draft of this via email before I added the latest travesties and received a call from someone in your Executive Support department. He was very nice and apologetic but I wish to point out that really doesn’t help.

For the record, every single customer who called us and asked why we didn’t answer their emails and why their order wasn’t shipped was told about our Dell saga. I am making this entire letter available to any of our over 15,000 clients who ask, and when we write a letter of apology to all the affected customers they will be told exactly what we think of Dell. Further, a copy is being posted on our website. If Dell cares to write a letter of apology to my customers, I will gladly send it out along with my apology and a copy this letter. (Please make sure you clearly indicate I have permission to do so)

I care that you caused my customers extreme difficulties when they could least afford it. We care about out customers and you clearly don’t. Forget your words, actions speak loudly. We’ve been in business almost fifty years and I can assure you this type of behavior guarantees you won’t be. You should be ashamed. Your activities, while legal, are immoral. You shouldn’t hide from your customers and you do as evidenced by my inability to get anyone in authority on the telephone.

In the meantime, I expect a full refund of shipping charges on the spare part. You probably should do better than that, but I won’t be holding my breath. I can tell you that you have earned the bad press your customer service has been receiving.



Sincerely,

Eric A. Seiden

[9-7-05 Commentary Update: I have yet to hear from Dell. I appreciate the many e-mails and phone calls of support I've received on this matter. I am sad to report, my experience is obviously not unique. Apparently even people with special on-site guaranteed response-time warranties are treated no better.]

[10-11-05 Commentary Update: I have yet to hear from Dell. I have never heard back from anyone at Dell. Not one single person. This URL was provided by Ernie's Blog and is quite apropos: Dell Comic Panel]

[8-29-07 Commentary Update: It's been two years, and I have yet to hear from Dell. Read my new blog post about it.]

[5-30-08 Commentary Update: It's been 2-1/2years, and I have yet to hear from Dell. But now, there is a chance for you to FIGHT BACK if Dell has wronged you. There's a chance for you to get restitution. In the news a few days ago, the State of New York found Dell guilty of FRAUD. I've been contacted (again) by an attorney who is willing to help you, but only personal cases to persons residing in the USA. See my new blog post about it, here.]

(Hurricane) Katrina Blows Eric and then New Orleans

OK, I hate Hurricanes. I hated Andrew. I also forgot how much I hated them. I have been reminded.

As late as Tuesday evening there was no real inkling there was any sort of problem. Wednesday we learned we were probably getting a tropical storm. Thursday they said it might be a hurricane just as it hit shore. They were confident it would hit in North Broward county and that the worse damage would be on the north side.

As it got later and later they moved the impact zone south. As soon as one hour before it hit, they were confident it would hit north of I-595 in Broward and most rain would be north of the storm. Judging by the radar pictures, I found this dubious. However, at 4pm we closed work early and sent people home (people north of 595 were sent home earlier in the day because that was where the storm was supposed to hit).

Because effects of the storm in Miami were supposed to be relatively minimal at best, we made no real preparations. I did not put up my shutters. In fact, except for a few items outside which I brought in, I made no notice of the storm at all. That was, in hindsight, a error. I should know better.

Katrina came ashore in Hollywood (on the Dade/Broward line) many miles south of where it was projected. However even while it was hitting they insisted it would continue almost straight west which would mean no major issues for us.

All hell began breaking loose in my neighborhood before 7. By 621pm there was no electric. Winds began increasing. Driving rain (to the extent it was moving parallel to the ground) blasted around. It was dark and, just like Andrew, scary. But, at least in this one, I was never worried of my incipient death.

Trees began being stripped of leaves and branches, streets began with rising water, and then, after what we thought was the worst of it, calm. Many of us went outside to help neighbours who needed assistance (there were several). We still didn’t know it but more was to come.

It began getting that sickly colour in the sky that signals “Very Bad Weather” and we all headed indoors. And then it came from the other direction. None of us realized the storm had turned Southwest and was headed at us. Sustained winds were recorded at the airport (a few miles away) in excess of 87MPH. More trees were uprooted, the ongoing symphony of car alarms abated (assumedly as the cars were crushed), and then came the deluge. It rained, and rained, and rained.

State Road 836 is still closed because the overpass at 97th avenue collapsed and fell. (It shouldn’t have but some contractor will go to jail over that). You still have to wonder how four TEN TON beams of steel and concrete were blown over.

This morning I woke up at 6am and took a walk outside in the wind and rain (nothing terrible). I ran into the Mayor /and/ Chief of police and their entourage. He told me (and the news later confirmed) that the eye of the storm passed DIRECTLY over Doral and we sustained more wind damage than anywhere else in South Florida (there was much worse rain damage further south of here).

We got hit by the front of the eye wall, the back of the eye wall, and it continued South towards the Keys via the NOAA Hurricane Center (ironic they would get hit after assuring us it wasn’t coming this way).

I am lucky. There is little new damage to my property except to foliage. My four existing roof leaks are still leaking to no surprise, though one of them has turned into a eighteen foot by twenty foot monstrosity. Most ancillary damage (mailbox, etc, etc) I have already fixed.

Helicopters still fly over every few minutes: news crews, damage surveys, police and rescue trying to get into some inaccessible areas. Four dead. Five missing so far.

I finally went to work (after talking my way by the police and the mayor) to check it out, and work fared well. The sign is gone and there’s no trace of it. The carport at work under which I park is missing. But the building is fine except for a tiny roof leak at a corner seam.

It could have been worse, but I am reminded why if a storm MIGHT come you should put up your shutters.

Pictures? (EMAIL ME AND ASK FOR URL. To preserve site bandwidth which is nearing its limit, I have removed the URL from the public posting.)

8-28-05 Add-on
I would like to offer my advance condolences to those who live in the city formerly known is New Orleans. As a survivor of another Category Five monstrosity (Hurricane Andrew) I know firsthand what they are about to undergo. I hope the evacuated and offer my hopes they survive. This will only be the fourth Category Five hurricane to make landfall (Labor Day 1935, Camile, and Andrew) and I still hope it slows down before it hits. You may not thing there's much difference between 140 and 160 but there is. Hurricanes are terrifying and people say Tornadoes are bad, but they're quick. Imagine a tornado that lasts 14 hours. Katrina was relatively minor and even so 14 hours of up to 86mph winds frays the nerves and tears things down. Andrew was 8 or so hours but the winds were over double those of Katrina. Good luck. I also am not putting money on survivors at the Superdome. Most stadiums are built to withstand maximum sustained winds of 125mph.

8-31-05 Add-on
Happily, Katrina missed New Orleans and instead decided to remove all traces of Biloxi from the map. Such things are never good and I am not making light. But as bad and terrible as things are in New Orleans, but being grazed by a Category 4 is much better than being hit by a Category 5. Had Katrina hit dead on as a 5, you'd have had tens of thousands dead and damages upward of $100 billion dollars. None of the 12,000 people in the SuperDome would have been alive when the sun came out. We in Florida were lucky, and indeed, our woes have been totally forgotten and ignored as attention moves towards the New Orleans and Biloxi areas. That is understandable, but we had almost 2 million people without power after the storm, and there are still 100,000 people without -- we have gas shortages, ice shortages, and so on. And still we are lucky. We all know it too.

At work we are taking collections from employees for relief efforts and matching donated money $2 for every $1 donated and in addition adding $1,000 on top of that. I am making my own personal contribution which (as is my custom) remains an undisclosed amount.

9-2-05 Add-on
I have to reinforce one fact: this did not have to happen. Florida is now prepared for hurricanes. We have proper building codes (the process is full of graft and corruption but the codes are sound), our government is prepared and cognizant. The people and government in New Orleans simply did not accept the reality and gravity of the situation and now they're paying the horrible price. Half of what is destroyed, maybe more, would have been standing. The flooding couldn't have been averted but the complete destruction of homes could have. IF YOU LIVE IN AN AREA SUBJECT TO HURRICANES GET HURRICANE SHUTTERS THAT MEET MIAMI-DADE PRODUCT CONTROL APPROVAL.

Masturbation

(DISCLAIMER: This post has absolutely nothing to do with Masturbation)

So, I go to my friend Rob's blog as I do every few days and I run across this post entitled masturbation-mania! Well, it's got nothing to do with masturbation at all. However, he observes that by simply using it in a previous post, his traffic has doubled. He ponders what this says about the Internet.

I must say that one wonders if you used words such as sex, intercourse, anal, and oral in the same post if it would also have the same effect. It also begs the question what type of person it would bring. Or would you get deviants looking for paedophilia, bestiality, or worse?

I mean, take my Led Zeppelin Sucks topic*. I don't even say that they suck. I was merely expressing an opinion that they were overrated, but I literally got thousands of hits, and a number of comments. I've had to delete a lot of the comments due to rather profane remarks, but there are over fifty intelligent and opposing opinions which remain.

I am interested in finding out exactly what keywords drive people to a site? I could be like Rob and just put the word "Penis" or "Vagina" in every post and see what comes in**. Or I could experiment with other words. The whole thing is mightily intriguing.

"Oral Stimulation Teens Masturbation Penis Vagina Bestiality Tits" <-- just to make it exciting. I am making no judgements on any visitor's proclivities. I am monitoring traffic. Let's see what happens. Intelligent replies greatfully accepted. * Replies to THIS topic involving Led Zeppelin will be deleted. If you must comment on the Rockers, please use the original link above to reply.

** Pun intended.

For the record, no discernible change in traffic was reported as a result of this post (9-5-05 addendum)

Le Pauvre Chat, Scooter; Je suis triste.

Poor Scooter. She's been very sick. I have been hesitant to post about it here.

I returned from London last Saturday evening some four hours late. The cat sitter was not schedule to visit Saturday as I was supposed to be home at a reasonable hour, meaning that her last visit was Friday evening. So, I ended up home somewhere near 10pm Saturday night.

The first thing I noticed is Scooter didn't greet me at the door, which is something she almost always does. But, I figured maybe she was asleep. I also noticed her water bowl was full, and her food bowl was full. I, at first, thought the pet sitter had come Saturday. She finally made an appearance, looking none-to-chipper, but since she's not very active when she first wakes up, I didn't think anything of it. She was happy to see me and spent the whole night sleeping by my side.

Sunday morning, I was out of bed around 630am; gotta love get lag. I gave her some wet food as a treat -- normally she's a dry-food cat. She scarffed it up. I went to Publix to get some groceries. I returned home, and she had yakked up her entire can of food (on the carpet of course -- no self respecting cat would barf on the tile).

She didn't eat anything all day. No tuna, no milk, and no other people food (stuff she loves but isn't allowed to have). She slept all day. Scooter sleeps a lot anyway, as she is, after all, a cat. So a 16 to 18 hour sleep schedule isn't aberrant, but she was getting a good 22+ hours of sleep in. I couldn't get her to eat at all, nor could I get her to drink much. I also noticed she was no longer grooming herself. I was very concerned.

Monday morning, I took Scooter to the vet. I dropped her off. He was unable to find much of anything wrong, but sent her home. I picked her up around 5:30pm just as the vet was closing. The vet gave her some sort of IV to get her in shape. I took her home, but the same pattern continued. I was able to get her to eat or drink almost nothing.

Wednesday, after a sleepless night, and finding some blood in her urine that morning, I went to work after leaving word at the Vet's office. The vet called me around 10am when he came in and told me to immediately bring Scooter in and not to wait until after work, so I left work and got Scooter. She didn't even put up a fight when I put her in the Kat Karrier(R). The vet asked me to leave her off because he needed to run lots of tests, around $600 worth as it turned out. He found a urinary tract infection (she has antibiotics for that) and is looking for other issues. She finally started drinking water. She wouldn't eat her regular food, but she nibbled at some wet food. She also ate some Pounce.

Thursday evening, I cooked her some chicken. She didn't seem interested and I was crushed. However, the next morning, it was all gone, so she finally ate it. She also nibbled at some of her food. She was drinking more, which was a good sign.

Friday the vet asked how she was doing, and about her eating. I told him that if she didn't start eating more I was bringing her back Saturday morning. But that night, she ate almost a 1/2 can of her food. It might not sound like a lot, but it was way more than previously. She also drank a 1/4 bowl of water and had some milk too. She's also returned to spending some time sleeping in my bed, and other times walking around. She even moved her Bizzy-Balls around for a bit but that went away. That was a hopeful sign, but she's stopped. She's not quite up to playing with her Bizzy-Balls yet, or the laser pointer, or the shoestring.

Saturday morning I went to Petsmart and spent $1 million on cat food. I bought one of every single brand of cat food trying to find one she'd actually eat. I've finally found one she'll nibble at throughout the day. She's not eating a lot by her standards, but she is eating and drinking. She hasn't resumed grooming yet, which is troublesome.

However her fiesty demeanor has returned. Her first two doses of antibiotic (tablet) were easy to force down her throat, which is unusual. Today she's put up a hell of a fight and tried to shred my flesh from my bones. That's a good sign. I am thinking of letting a lizard loose in the house. She loves lizards, generally eating at least 1/2 of them before leaving the other half for me. I'd feel bad for the lizard, but it might be good for Scooter mentally.

She's still sleeping too much, but she does wander about a bit more. I haven't seen her, but I see where she moves stuff around so I know she's been up and about. I've been very careful about where I position her food bowls and toys so I can know if she's been mobile and eating while I've been out doing errands.

I really need sleep. I am so tired.

[8-17-05 Update]
Scooter is feeling a bit better, thanks for asking. She was at the vet today and she's been feisty all day which is a good thing. The U/T infection is getting better which is good because giving a cat a pill becomes harder and harder. Hell, even catching her has proven to be difficult.

All tests so far are normal and she underwent the last tests today. So far I've spent well over $1,000 on my kitty since I've returned but she's worth it. Hopefully the last batch of tests will find whatever it is/was. Frankly, I'll even be happy if she's miraculously cured.

[8-18-05 Update]
So far she seems to feel a bit better, but that may be solely because of the IV she got with nutrients, etc. It did make her eat a lot yesterday. Today however she's not drinking or eating much again. I did notice she'll eat more if I'm around than when I'm not. I will continue to test this observation. I am sure it's significant. I expect the vet's last batch of test results will be in tomorrow.