It's time for me to weigh in on two topics. And, I'm going to go out on a limb here by publicly trashing the appropriate people. I made two posts on my Panthers List. I have edited them and am putting them here for the whole world. (It'd be better if comments were posted to the list, but you have to join to post.)
Sponsorhips
First, let's start with the fact that sponsorships on some level are necessary for the survival of any sports team. Period. When they're done right they make teams very, very wealthy: Yankees (MLB), Dallas (NFL), and so on. If you pull the sponsorships every single team will fall into the red, granted some teams might take awhile, but it would happen -- even in the NFL because sponsors buy TV commercials. So grant me this one statement.
Secondary and tertiary forms of income include gate receipts, parking[1], concessions[1], and shares of radio, TV, and program advertising plus of course merchandise licensing.
I wondered to my friends if next time someone took a dump in the WC and flushed[2] you got a recording "this flush sponsored by Tidy-Bowl. I was remarking at the last two games that the Panther games now remind me of the IHL Solar Bears games I used to attend. Or maybe not. At least those were fun.
Yeah, the ice-cats (or whatever they call the irritating cheerleaders this week) are sponsored, but I can live with that. The pillars that offer support to the vaulted ceiling are wrapped, the concrete steps have sponsors, the foyer entrances have sponsors, the walls have sponsors, the concrete pilings have sponsors, the concourses have sponsors, the concession stands have sponsors, the restrooms have sponsors, the suite level has sponsors, and, in fact, the only thing that is (as of yet) unsponsored are the actual urinals and toilet bowls themselves. And I do not object to any of this. It's all fine. They have space and if they want to sell it, bless them to death. However, it is rather irritating to me that they even sold add space where the clock was. No, I don't mean the game clock or the fancy new time clock. I'm talking that old-fashioned thing in each corner that used to tell you the time. Find a clock to tell the time anywhere in arena proper. I dare you. All gone, replaced by ads, the lot.
It's not just the fans either. The press releases they send to the media often contain far more advertising than the actual content of the release. We get releases not only for the Panthers (and all their associated advertising) but we're subjected to releases for the Pit Bulls (yawn), the Bank Atlantic Center, and Sunrise Sports and Entertainment. The last two are nothing but advertising. I have a number of friends in the media, and the Panthers probably wouldn't be happy if they knew how the barrage of releases was being received. It absolutely affects their press coverage. Why? We all know it's unprofessional, but they don't. Many teams have a limited amount of advertising in their releases, but the Panthers have taken it to a whole new level.
They spent tons of money putting in fancy new scoreboards which can display full colour advertising. They spent money on an LED wraparound that can display advertising. That's great. Hey guys? How about spend some money and fix the damned antiques that show the out-of-town scores? They're missing so many letters it can be hard to figure out what they say. And of course the ice has advertising -- amazingly there's still some blank space because the NHL regulates that. Happily the NHL has continued to nix advertising on jerseys, though small shoulder or helmet ads would probably be okay in my book.
The Panthers have found a new source of income: they've sold their soul. I hope it was worth it. The Panthers have totally, completely, and unequivocally gone overboard.
The goals are sponsored, the penalty kills are sponsored, the power plays are sponsored, and even the season is sponsored. However, it is absolutely insane to sponsor ICING. Yes, every single icing is followed by the sponsor's name. It's fucking[3] bush-league is what it is. They're so busy about the sponsorships THEY HAVE FORGOTTEN THE HOCKEY. Morons, the lot.
However, you have to realize they JUST DON'T CARE. They make more money on the other events -- as they've said repeatedly in the media. The Panthers have become a novelty.
The Team, Arena, and everything else
Allan Cohen is a Bad Owner and, frankly, I'd prefer H. Wayne Huizinga. Yes, because although Wayne also treated the Panthers as a business[4] he did one thing Cohen didn't do: he hired smart people to run the hockey side and left the alone and let them run it[5]. Cohen has hired hockey people to run it and then has his hands in everything and doesn't let these people have any autonomy. He apparently lets his personal feelings interfere with the running of the business and hockey operations. Sadly, his feelings and common sense are often at odds.
This man hires Keenan and fires Keenan and then hires him back. Sounds like Steinbrenner and Billy Martin to me. Talk about mixed signals to the entire team. This is also the same guy who created a mini-nightmare for himself when he screwed over Bernie Kosar (who is well loved locally). The same guy who the papers pillory over his wishy-washy ways. So then he signs a deal with the Sun-Sentinel and so much for "fair and balanced" coverage -- what we get is "fair-and-balanced-if-we-like-what-you-say" coverage. Sure, the Herald's David J. Neal, the only competent guy to cover hockey down here is now off the beat[6] and the Herald's paltry hockey coverage has gone from miniscule-but-at-least-competent to invisible-and-barely-on-topic. That may or may not be the fault of the Panthers (personally, I blame the ever-inept Herald) but it doesn't help the situation with the fan base, that's for sure.
I also think Mr. Cohen is a penny-pinching cheapskate, but leave that out of this. On second thought, let's not leave it out. He's turned our Luongo situation into another Vanbiesbrouck situation and we all know how well that worked out. Luongo will be gone. Mark my words on that. And it'll be because of Mr. Cohen -- not Keenan because he doesn't control the purse strings. (There ya' go folks. I've stood up for Keenan. Mark the historic day down on your calendar.)
The arena situation is still horrible. The fans are not happy before they get to their seats. We get indifferent people at the door who refuse to open the door before 6:05pm (6:35pm weekends) even if it's pouring rain. Oh, yeah, thanks guys. We really appreciate that (that's sarcasm, btw). We get no ushers in sections to keep people from walking in front of us, or worse we get ushers who haven't been trained and make a bad situation worse. You have people at the concession stands who make the TSA look lightning fast. These same people have not been trained how to use their cash registers. Then they need a manager to open it up to fix their inevitable mistakes, and they can't find one leaving the customer fuming. The programs are either everywhere or nowhere.
The store and concessions are embarrassingly overpriced. The concession prices are not, I understand, regulated by the team, but Pantherland is. So let me relate a story about the morons there. I asked about the Media Guide every game and why it's December now and it's still not on sale (they're available because the team has copies) and finally I get sick of asking every game and ask Pantherland supervisor who does know and get sent to guest services. Guess where guest services sends me? Back to Pantherland to ask the supervisor there.
So the typical fan has paid $8.50 for a turkey sandwich, $4.00 for a minute maid fruit punch, and $2.50 for a back of chip -- that's $16 to get a dinner -- and spent 18 minutes in line doing it. This after trying to buy a souvenir for his/her son/daughter/niece/nephew. And that after standing outside while the gatekeepers decide standing outside for another 30 seconds is absolutely required because the minute hand hasn't moved JUST YET. What kind of mood is this fan in?
So now the fan is in the arena and in a pretty bad mood, but trying to cheer up because just maybe we'll get an exciting game. What we get is a team that came out of the gate strong and tried really hard and then all of a sudden said "oh, wait, we're the Panthers, we're supposed to suck" That's not quite fair because I absolutely, positively, in no way whatsoever, fault the players on most nights. They come out, and with a few exceptions, they try hard. Sometimes it works, and mostly it doesn't.
This same fan is subjected to blaring music thereby being forced to be silent the entire game or talk during the game because there's no way to talk between plays because you can't hear anything. (I must mention that during the 11-28 game they showed kids dancing on the screen much like they always do. I must mention it because I am not wanting to see little kids dancing to the tune of "I want to sex you up" -- I am not old fashioned, but even I think that's wildly inappropriate.)
To top this all off, South Florida has some very good sports fans. In fact, I hazard to guess there's dozens. Unfortunately, the other 15,000 people are the problem. Arrive fashionably late, leave fashionably early. Walk to or from your seat during play, without any consideration[8] to your neighbours. They blather endlessly on during the game, which would be great if it was about hockey (any team) but I don't care about: your mother's operation, your wife's dog, where you're going on holiday. I also don't want to hear your mobile phone ring every 90 seconds. And thank you for talking into it SO DAMNED LOUD you drown out the names of who just scored. So these are the fans you have rooting for our team.
I used to blame this on coaching and the GM always and without exception. It was a Murray problem, a Keenan disaster, or something like that. In a few rare instances it was a cancer in the locker room -- Bure was a cancer, sorry but his attitude sucked. But you know, all the coaches and GM's are gone now and we still suck. I'd love to blame it all on Keenan[9] but I can't.
Over the years the Panthers have had good years, so-so years, but when did we really start to suck the big, fat, furry one? Oh, yeah, when the team was sold. I was happy it was sold. I state for the record that I was wrong and should have listened to the old adage "be careful what you wish for because you might get it." I would trade Cohen for Huizinga any day.
The problems are Cohen, Keenan (because he is, after all, my whipping boy), and, sadly, us.
(Of course, I still support my team. Nothing here should be construed any other way.)
-- Eric
1-26-05 Addendum: I have to comment more because there's a whole thread about this on another message board which all started with a link to this entry. I am amused by some of the comments but I am accused of being a Keenan hater, which I am. However I have defended him a number of times as GM including in this very blog entry and a number of times on the Panthers List[10] as well. And, for the record, that picture of me is from the second Panthers season and is very old. And to sum it up, the sponsorship hell is getting worse and worse as the season goes on.
[1] in some arenas these are limited due to contractual obligations.
[2] one only hopes, god knows
[3] This is what we call a 100% warranted profanity. This profanity has been sponsored by the Florida Panthers and your local PTA
[4] after all, they are
[5] mostly -- I grant that
[6] Now that's an interesting story[7]
[7] Disclaimer: I like Mr. Neal and respect his opinions even though I sometimes disagree with him.
[8] I will not let people pass during play and make them stand in the middle of the row like total asses they are. I give them a lecture to help them understand. If you'd ALL do that, it'd stop.
[9] God only know I would; I despise his management "style"; schoolyard bullies suck and that's what Keenan is.
[10] Please join us!
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Monday, November 21, 2005
Symantec Lets Users Down. Collusion With Sony? Another reason to own a Mac.
I'm sure you've all heard about Sony's rootkit CD protection scheme that silently loaded itself onto every PC on which one of its CDs was played and how it recently backfired quite literally. It's been all over the news, and is, I might add, another reason you shouldn't be using a Windows based PC. However, this rant isn't about Windows. It's about your anti-virus software. In Wired magazine (http://tinyurl.com/ag6oy), Bruce Schneier says that the real story behind Sony's rootkit problem is the lack of response from major security firms like Symantec and McAffee.
Bruce says "The story to pay attention to here is the collusion between big media companies who try to control what we do on our computers and computer-security companies who are supposed to be protecting us.... What do you think of your anti-virus company, the one that didn't notice Sony's rootkit as it infected half a million computers? .... Because it spread through infected CDs, not through internet connections, they didn't notice? This is exactly the kind of thing we're paying those companies to detect -- especially because the rootkit was phoning home."
[Italics and emphasis mine]
Bruce says "The story to pay attention to here is the collusion between big media companies who try to control what we do on our computers and computer-security companies who are supposed to be protecting us.... What do you think of your anti-virus company, the one that didn't notice Sony's rootkit as it infected half a million computers? .... Because it spread through infected CDs, not through internet connections, they didn't notice? This is exactly the kind of thing we're paying those companies to detect -- especially because the rootkit was phoning home."
[Italics and emphasis mine]
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Your Printouts Identify You
For details go here: http://www.eff.org/Privacy/printers/
Yes, that's right. Many color printers print a microscopic identification code which can be traced to you. Next time you send the ransom note, keep it in mind. I'm not sure I like this idea.
Yes, that's right. Many color printers print a microscopic identification code which can be traced to you. Next time you send the ransom note, keep it in mind. I'm not sure I like this idea.
Saturday, November 12, 2005
My picture for use on your dartboard
Earlier this year the NHL Florida Panthers Hockey Club contacted me and other inaugural season ticket holders about using our photos for promotional purposes. This is the Panthers 12th season and there aren't that many season ticket holders left from the 1992-1993 season. Indeed, I am one of the oldest remaining season ticket holders of that select group.
They, with permission, used our photos on the season tickets. Normally there are photos of coaches, significant moments, and players on the front of the ticket. This year, instead, it's season ticket holders. On full season ticket packages, I grace the 12-22-05 ticket* and here's a scan to prove it (245k) -- for those with half-season plans I appear on a March ticket.
Please be aware that by looking at this picture, I disavow all responsibility for cracks in your monitor, as well as retinal damage, etcetera, etcetera.
* For security purposes I have deleted my account number and altered the barcode so it won't scan.
They, with permission, used our photos on the season tickets. Normally there are photos of coaches, significant moments, and players on the front of the ticket. This year, instead, it's season ticket holders. On full season ticket packages, I grace the 12-22-05 ticket* and here's a scan to prove it (245k) -- for those with half-season plans I appear on a March ticket.
Please be aware that by looking at this picture, I disavow all responsibility for cracks in your monitor, as well as retinal damage, etcetera, etcetera.
* For security purposes I have deleted my account number and altered the barcode so it won't scan.
Sunday, November 6, 2005
The Big Puta (my trip to the Far East)
Hello:
(Last revised and updated 11-12-05)
Well, I'm back and here's the trip report for Taiwan, Hong Kong, and China brought to you by our sponsor: that nasty bitch Hurricane Wilma.
I'm sure I don't need to tell anyone how much I didn't want to go on this trip -- anyone who knows me heard me bitching about it relentlessly. It was definitely a bad omened trip from the get-go. My expectations for this trip were lower than Dubya's approval ratings. However despite my many complaints, this trip was an experience I will never forget, so in a sense I am glad I went.
The trip to Los Angeles from Miami was uneventful and on-time, which is all you can hope for from a trip. My luggage was checked straight through to Taipei so I didn't even have to deal with that. On future trips, I've learned that I will take much smaller luggage and use the overpriced hotel dry-cleaning service. The big luggage plan was a disaster at the very best -- keeping in mind that our suitcases were bigger than many of the cars we travelled in. Live and learn.
Upon arrival in LAX, I hung around for two hours awaiting Greg's arrival from Fort Lauderdale. We then walked from Terminal Four to Tom Bradley International Terminal and checked in for Air China of Taiwan. The trip from LAX to Taipei was scheduled at about 14 hours and it, too, was on-time (within 30 minutes qualifies as on-time in my book). At least we got to relax in the China Air business class lounge prior to departure. It was small and cramped, but it beats hanging around a terminal.
Let me tell you, a 14 hour flight seems a lot longer than it sounds, plus coupled with the 6 hour MIA-LAX trip and a four hour layover, it was a rough trip. All-in-all it was 26-1/2 hours door-to-door. Customs in Taiwan was a breeze, easier than the US in fact. As you walk through the airport towards customs, they have those full-body x-rays that show everything you have in your person. These are the same ones they want to install in the USA, but the ACLU has been adamantly opposed to due to privacy issues. I've got to say it was pretty cool to see yourself walking by with all your metallic possessions visible on a screen. I wouldn't object and it moves a great deal faster than what we have.
A few days prior to our departure, Greg had noticed the reviews on-line of the Westin in Taipei were less than satisfactory with phrases such as "Genghis Khan" populating the reviews. So, at his behest, we picked the Shangri-La Far Eastern Plaza, at NT$10500 (US$315) per night; it was costly but well worth it. It was the second best hotel I've ever stayed at and a truly impressive place. It actually helped to have a nice hotel with staff that spoke English (and even an American Breakfast buffet) to ease the transition from US to Chinese culture.
Our first day (Monday 10-17) started with a breakfast meeting. Since most of you don't care about the business aspect of this trip, I will skip most of that. However, I do have to point out a few things. We learned the average semi-skilled factory worker makes about US$800 per month or US$9600 per year and the working conditions are very rough on them. They work in hot, greasy, caustic environments wearing shorts and sandals. It's not very pleasant and I felt bad for them. Some factories are much worse than others, but I will skip the descriptions here and just let you see my pictures if you want.
As we drove around, there were a few details worth mentioning. The lowest octane gas they sell there is 93 and the highest is 98. It doesn't cost much more than here, either and it's full serve too so I was rather amused by that. There are 7-11 and Circle-K stores all over Taiwan as well as McDonald's and KFC and some other names you'd recognize as well: many of the restaurants are two story buildings and are always crowded. But their burgers are rice-based and not meat based. The popular local chain in Taiwan is Mos-Burger: you figure it out.
Speaking of driving, there are scooters everywhere. They dart in and out of traffic totally disregarding the traffic laws which are, apparently, only polite suggestions not to be taken seriously by any motorized vehicle, and especially not a scooter. It's amusing and amazing at the same time. And as bad as the drivers in Taiwan could be, they were sane compared to those in Shanghai. I will never set foot in Shanghai again -- it was terrifying.
Another oddity to Taiwan (everywhere except in Taipei city) was the Betel Box-Babes as I call them. On many of the roads there are these small glass boxes the size of mini-vans. Inside are very scantily dressed ladies. If you pull up and toot your horn, they run out and hand you their narcotic nuts and gum which helps keeps drivers awake. I can't explain this any better and our Taiwanese hosts did not discuss it much other than to say it was "bad". (Three links courtesy of David Higgins.)
Taipei itself was a very clean city. Everyone was exceedingly friendly. Many of the signs are bilingual. I'm sure I could find my way around without a guide. We even took the local (new) subway. I enjoyed it there, and wouldn't mind going back one day. It's friendly, clean, and safe.
The culture here is different and the business people all try and drink you under the table. The custom there is that if your host takes a drink, you have to drink the same amount. It's pretty much repeated bottoms-up toasts. After a ½ vial of sake, I gave up. (Sake is Japanese, but we were at a Japanese restaurant.)
All the meals there are multiple (usually 12) course events, served on a round, spinning table (aka the lazy-Susan-of-death). Some of the items are very good. Others leave a great deal to be desired. Fish heads in jelly, gelatinous eels, and sea cucumber are just some of the 'delights' to which I was subjected. Fish eye soup was the most repulsive looking one, though. I refused to even taste it. I do not like my meal looking back at me. Which reminds me that any dish with fish, lobster, prawns, or chicken is pretty much guaranteed to have the head attached when served -- in fact sometimes your fish is still alive when they serve it to you.
This brings us to the Rocky Horror Picture Show Food Moment. (This happened in Tainan, but I'm sticking it here because it's food related.) That morning our hosts from Taipei pick us up and prepare to take us on some factory tours in Tainan. They ask us what we'd like, and being totally sick of Chinese, I jokingly says 'a nice juicy steak' knowing full well we ain't getting one. So it's lunch time, and we're out at lunch with a typical lazy-Susan-of-death meal at a very authentic restaurant (containing no Americans but us and absolutely no trace of the English language). Our host goes to the kitchen area to pick out our meal as is customary, and we're resigned to another seafood extravaganza, and indeed I am not disappointed as I am served a fin from some unknown sea-entity. Then LO AND BEHOLD! in comes a plate of what appears to be small chopstick sized pieces of beef. It is handed to me first, and I take a piece and offer it to everyone. My colleague gets a piece as do the ladies from Taiwan. I take one bite and know something is seriously amiss. I've eaten cow, bison, deer, moose, caribou, and even horse and this is clearly none of them. I nudge Greg's foot to stop him from eating more; as I am preparing to do this, the Tainan big-shot looks pointedly at the plate and says (thought the interpreter) that "we don't eat beef because it is bad luck for business." I'm guessing it was dog, but I really don't want to know.
From Taipei, we went by car to Taichung. The Landis Taichung was a disappointment but even that wasn't too bad. We proceeded on to Chunghua but did not overnight there. I nearly created a serious incident when our host asked, as I understood it, if we wanted to see a very Big Puta. Speaking Spanish and knowing his company had a Spanish name, I started to laugh. It took me some time to realize his accent made Buddha sound like Puta. (It's often customary to offer your business guests a 'massage service' which I had to decline quite forcefully at times. These services come complete with the 'happy ending'.) This particular vendor was accommodating and afforded us the rare honour of inviting us into his very grand home for a tour: this is something that is not normally done over there.
We then drove on to Tainan finding the traffic jam from hell -- we sat in one spot for nearly an hour, later learning the highway was closed due to a huge accident. On the way to Tainan we passed the tracks for the new bullet train which will go from Taipei to Kaohsiung in 90 minutes making four stops. That will make any future trip a lot easier. We were told Tainan was an old, small town. It was pretty damned big: their view of small is not the same as our view of small. Each successive town was smaller and less tourist-friendly than the previous. Tainan had virtually no English outside the hotel, but the Tayhih Landis Tainan was very nice and modern. Like all American breakfasts in this country, it was served cold. (I had already learned to stuff myself at breakfast to avoid lunch at all costs.)
The more rural the city, the more likely you were to find the dreaded squat-toilet. There are very few western style toilets there where you can sit in comfort. They have a porcelain bowl (an oblong sink) right in the center of the floor. You squat over it and go. Oh, yeah, I hope you brought toilet paper because they generally don't provide it. Don't put your toilet paper in there either. There's a small wastebasket next to the squat-toilet for the paper as the pipes can't handle the paper. In modern places you will find a stall with a sign on the door "Western Toilet" or "Sitting Toilet" -- even in Hong Kong this is true.
From Tainan we went on to Kaohsiung, which was a bustling city; however the air was bit hazy and it had a certain odour about it. We stayed at the Grand Hi Lai which was a cool hotel with a fantastic view -- too bad the smog blocked it. We were luckily upgraded to an executive floor which made the stay enjoyable. The lobby sold chocolates which we partook of regularly. They also had erotic chocolates in amazing detail and they were just embarrassing to look at but quite amusing. I wonder if there were nuts in that one piece.... On a nearby cluster of buildings there was an entire amusement park built on the rooftops with a roller coaster, Ferris Wheel, carousels, etcetera; truly a sight to behold.
It was a very friendly town, but air-quality-wise not unlike Newark on a bad day. Like all Far Eastern cities, they have department stores. But these are stores with very specific departments and not like what we have now -- more like the old traditional department stores of yore. It's sort of like individual offices that sell one brand (Burberry) with its own employees, and everything. It's closer to being a mall that a department store. We wasted some time at the mall here looking for a Buddha for Greg's desk. One of the factories we visited (a coating company) was bragging how the average worker lived to be almost 40 years old. Imagine that.
Once again we noticed some rather overt apparently racist attitudes which we found shocking. Invariably the topic of hurricanes came up and Katrina was part of that. They expressed universal disgust at the way it was handled, and we basically agreed. However more upsetting were their comments that at least it was just the poor people or weren't they all black, anyway and other remarks. We got this a number of times and it was shocking. I'm not sure what to make of it.
From Kaohsiung we flew to Hong Kong on DragonAir. Security here is like it used to be in the 1970s in the USA, that is to say virtually non-existent. I could have carried pretty much anything other than live ammunition through and I doubt they would have cared. I highly recommend DragonAir. The flight was fantastic, the service was friendly, and the plane left early because everyone was on board! They didn't make us sit around pointlessly awaiting a phantom departure time.
Hong Kong (locally known as Hongkong, SAR, PRC) customs was relatively easy. Although it returned to Chinese rule in 1997 after England's lease expired, it remains entirely British down to left-hand driving. Everything is in English or bilingual. Much of the population speaks English, and they're very friendly. The subway is awesome and we used it extensively. They also have an Airport Express train which goes from the airport to both Kowloon and Hong Kong proper saving you a very expensive cab ride. Sort of like Heathrow Express but more modern and much faster.
Hong Kong is beyond description and I will gladly return there one day to spend some time. This is one of those rare cities I fell in love with. Hong Kong is a very tall city. There are 100s of buildings over 60 floors many of which are residences/condominiums all of which were embarrassingly small and overpriced at the same time. There is lots of green. Victoria Harbour is amazing as is the Peak's view of the city. We did both of those famous places, took the Walk of Stars, traipsed along Nathan Road, and even took the Star Ferry. We saw an authentic Chinese Junk sailing by. We went to a Night Market where you can buy all sorts of overpriced stuff, but you can often haggle it down to nearly half of the asking price.
This is one of those rare cities you can fall in love with. It is, however, embarrassingly expensive, in fact although it ranks below London and Tokyo on the 'most expensive cities in the world list' I found it to be considerably more expensive. An iced tea is around US$7 and no free refills either. There are many shops, but the famed Hong Kong bargain no longer exists for standard items, though for bespoke clothing you can't go wrong here.
We went to Hong Kong Disney for about 3 hours. It just opened in September 2005 and is accessible by its own private subway/metro route. It's not overly expensive but it's very, very small. Space Mountain (very cool) is the only coaster attraction, and many big attractions simply aren't here: Pirates, Big Thunder, Haunted Mansion, are all missing here. We were done in 3 hours having done all the rides we wanted to. Although they have FastPass, it's not needed. As much as I hate to say it, if you take a pass on this park you aren't missing anything but the spectacular view of the castle with a background of a mountain.
[We considered going home before Wilma once we were aware of it and how severe it might be. For days it looked like it might not hit, or if it did it would be a minor storm. By the time the forecast changed, there was no way we could make it home before the storm hit. So we opted to be productive and continue our trip, figuring we could fly home after it passed. We would find out that the airports were damaged as was everything else. Airports back in our area resumed operations 10-28, and we were scheduled to be back home on 10-30, so at that point we finished the trip. I put this in because so many people asked what our thinking was.]
Because China doesn't recognize Taiwan as an independent nation, converting currency is done in Hong Kong where they take your NT$ convert them to any third currency and then that third currency to Yuan (RMB). It's a very costly procedure. Don't go to Hong Kong or China with Taiwanese money. We took DragonAir on to Shanghai, one of the most populated cities on earth at over 17 million people (more than most countries). We landed through a smogish haze reminiscent of 1980s Los Angeles only worse.
Chinese customs is scary. First, the paperwork is a lot more complex than anywhere else I've been (US included) and there's a medical form to fill out. As you stand in line -- which moves at a glacial pace -- there are doctors scanning the crowd along with lots of police. After medical clearance, you move to passport control where they check your passport, visa, and finally send you through. This process is slow because they study every single stamp in your passport -- and mine is nearly full. There is a big sign that says "The People's Republic of China may refuse to allow you entry into or exit from China without providing any reason" in many languages. Also, they have a separate customs line for Taiwanese citizens. Taiwanese citizens can't fly to China directly: they have to take a 90 minute detour, fly to Hong Kong and then into China because China also will not allow flights from their 'renegade province' -- to say political relations are strained is an understatement. The citizens don't much seem to care.
When you get your first whiff of Shanghai air, you will quote Gollum. "It burns! It burns!" And it's brown and thick. I have to tell you, it's just grotesque. The drivers here are the worst drivers in the universe: they make New Yorkers and Bostonians seem positively calm. In our "pray we make it" car ride to the city, we passed the world's only commercially operating MagLev train which gets from the airport to the city's main train station in 8 minutes going almost 300 miles per hour. It's amazing and I wish we'd have taken it, but our luggage made it impractical, so we were stuck in the one hour car ride from hell.
Shanghai has bicycles like Taiwan has scooters. They're everywhere and they drive no better than the cars. Shanghai is a fascinating city, and I'm sure many people would like it, but I can't say much except it was a unique experience. Greg and myself spent more time walking around Shanghai than any of the other cities simply because we had more time. The city is dirty, I can't emphasize that enough. My eyes, two days later, still are burning like hell and my lungs won't be clear for days. We walked down Nanjing Road, the Bund, and saw the Yangtze which makes the Hudson look like a pristine mountain lake.
The trip home was on China Eastern Airlines. It might not mean much to you, and it didn't mean much to us either. Before I rant, I want to say the flight attendants were delightful and put up with us in good humour. Other than that, I want to remind everyone to never, ever, no matter what, fly an airline owned by a Communist government. The "food" was ample but if you don't want to eat the "meal" who cares. I did not eat my lamb chops for lunch because they were too greasy and unappetizing. When my breakfast came, they put my uneaten lamb chops on top of my omelette. The seats while big could use more padding, the waiting area for the flight was Spartan at best. And, while I'm at it, Pudong airport makes any other major look like a masterpiece. (The design is nice, it's what's IN the airport.) Did you know you can't get a chocolate bar at the airport? Really.
Customs in LAX was a breeze though they didn't have luggage transfer points, so we had to haul our luggage from Tom Bradley to Terminal four. Although we were worried we'd miss our flight, it ended up being an hour late so we were cool. Greg conned us into the Admiral's Club where we waited for the trip home. The rest of the flight was uneventful and I'll end my tale here so you don't have to hear the agony of me coming home to what Wilma did to my home.
I will gladly answer questions if you have any.
(Last revised and updated 11-12-05)
Well, I'm back and here's the trip report for Taiwan, Hong Kong, and China brought to you by our sponsor: that nasty bitch Hurricane Wilma.
I'm sure I don't need to tell anyone how much I didn't want to go on this trip -- anyone who knows me heard me bitching about it relentlessly. It was definitely a bad omened trip from the get-go. My expectations for this trip were lower than Dubya's approval ratings. However despite my many complaints, this trip was an experience I will never forget, so in a sense I am glad I went.
The trip to Los Angeles from Miami was uneventful and on-time, which is all you can hope for from a trip. My luggage was checked straight through to Taipei so I didn't even have to deal with that. On future trips, I've learned that I will take much smaller luggage and use the overpriced hotel dry-cleaning service. The big luggage plan was a disaster at the very best -- keeping in mind that our suitcases were bigger than many of the cars we travelled in. Live and learn.
Upon arrival in LAX, I hung around for two hours awaiting Greg's arrival from Fort Lauderdale. We then walked from Terminal Four to Tom Bradley International Terminal and checked in for Air China of Taiwan. The trip from LAX to Taipei was scheduled at about 14 hours and it, too, was on-time (within 30 minutes qualifies as on-time in my book). At least we got to relax in the China Air business class lounge prior to departure. It was small and cramped, but it beats hanging around a terminal.
Let me tell you, a 14 hour flight seems a lot longer than it sounds, plus coupled with the 6 hour MIA-LAX trip and a four hour layover, it was a rough trip. All-in-all it was 26-1/2 hours door-to-door. Customs in Taiwan was a breeze, easier than the US in fact. As you walk through the airport towards customs, they have those full-body x-rays that show everything you have in your person. These are the same ones they want to install in the USA, but the ACLU has been adamantly opposed to due to privacy issues. I've got to say it was pretty cool to see yourself walking by with all your metallic possessions visible on a screen. I wouldn't object and it moves a great deal faster than what we have.
A few days prior to our departure, Greg had noticed the reviews on-line of the Westin in Taipei were less than satisfactory with phrases such as "Genghis Khan" populating the reviews. So, at his behest, we picked the Shangri-La Far Eastern Plaza, at NT$10500 (US$315) per night; it was costly but well worth it. It was the second best hotel I've ever stayed at and a truly impressive place. It actually helped to have a nice hotel with staff that spoke English (and even an American Breakfast buffet) to ease the transition from US to Chinese culture.
Our first day (Monday 10-17) started with a breakfast meeting. Since most of you don't care about the business aspect of this trip, I will skip most of that. However, I do have to point out a few things. We learned the average semi-skilled factory worker makes about US$800 per month or US$9600 per year and the working conditions are very rough on them. They work in hot, greasy, caustic environments wearing shorts and sandals. It's not very pleasant and I felt bad for them. Some factories are much worse than others, but I will skip the descriptions here and just let you see my pictures if you want.
As we drove around, there were a few details worth mentioning. The lowest octane gas they sell there is 93 and the highest is 98. It doesn't cost much more than here, either and it's full serve too so I was rather amused by that. There are 7-11 and Circle-K stores all over Taiwan as well as McDonald's and KFC and some other names you'd recognize as well: many of the restaurants are two story buildings and are always crowded. But their burgers are rice-based and not meat based. The popular local chain in Taiwan is Mos-Burger: you figure it out.
Speaking of driving, there are scooters everywhere. They dart in and out of traffic totally disregarding the traffic laws which are, apparently, only polite suggestions not to be taken seriously by any motorized vehicle, and especially not a scooter. It's amusing and amazing at the same time. And as bad as the drivers in Taiwan could be, they were sane compared to those in Shanghai. I will never set foot in Shanghai again -- it was terrifying.
Another oddity to Taiwan (everywhere except in Taipei city) was the Betel Box-Babes as I call them. On many of the roads there are these small glass boxes the size of mini-vans. Inside are very scantily dressed ladies. If you pull up and toot your horn, they run out and hand you their narcotic nuts and gum which helps keeps drivers awake. I can't explain this any better and our Taiwanese hosts did not discuss it much other than to say it was "bad". (Three links courtesy of David Higgins.)
Taipei itself was a very clean city. Everyone was exceedingly friendly. Many of the signs are bilingual. I'm sure I could find my way around without a guide. We even took the local (new) subway. I enjoyed it there, and wouldn't mind going back one day. It's friendly, clean, and safe.
The culture here is different and the business people all try and drink you under the table. The custom there is that if your host takes a drink, you have to drink the same amount. It's pretty much repeated bottoms-up toasts. After a ½ vial of sake, I gave up. (Sake is Japanese, but we were at a Japanese restaurant.)
All the meals there are multiple (usually 12) course events, served on a round, spinning table (aka the lazy-Susan-of-death). Some of the items are very good. Others leave a great deal to be desired. Fish heads in jelly, gelatinous eels, and sea cucumber are just some of the 'delights' to which I was subjected. Fish eye soup was the most repulsive looking one, though. I refused to even taste it. I do not like my meal looking back at me. Which reminds me that any dish with fish, lobster, prawns, or chicken is pretty much guaranteed to have the head attached when served -- in fact sometimes your fish is still alive when they serve it to you.
This brings us to the Rocky Horror Picture Show Food Moment. (This happened in Tainan, but I'm sticking it here because it's food related.) That morning our hosts from Taipei pick us up and prepare to take us on some factory tours in Tainan. They ask us what we'd like, and being totally sick of Chinese, I jokingly says 'a nice juicy steak' knowing full well we ain't getting one. So it's lunch time, and we're out at lunch with a typical lazy-Susan-of-death meal at a very authentic restaurant (containing no Americans but us and absolutely no trace of the English language). Our host goes to the kitchen area to pick out our meal as is customary, and we're resigned to another seafood extravaganza, and indeed I am not disappointed as I am served a fin from some unknown sea-entity. Then LO AND BEHOLD! in comes a plate of what appears to be small chopstick sized pieces of beef. It is handed to me first, and I take a piece and offer it to everyone. My colleague gets a piece as do the ladies from Taiwan. I take one bite and know something is seriously amiss. I've eaten cow, bison, deer, moose, caribou, and even horse and this is clearly none of them. I nudge Greg's foot to stop him from eating more; as I am preparing to do this, the Tainan big-shot looks pointedly at the plate and says (thought the interpreter) that "we don't eat beef because it is bad luck for business." I'm guessing it was dog, but I really don't want to know.
From Taipei, we went by car to Taichung. The Landis Taichung was a disappointment but even that wasn't too bad. We proceeded on to Chunghua but did not overnight there. I nearly created a serious incident when our host asked, as I understood it, if we wanted to see a very Big Puta. Speaking Spanish and knowing his company had a Spanish name, I started to laugh. It took me some time to realize his accent made Buddha sound like Puta. (It's often customary to offer your business guests a 'massage service' which I had to decline quite forcefully at times. These services come complete with the 'happy ending'.) This particular vendor was accommodating and afforded us the rare honour of inviting us into his very grand home for a tour: this is something that is not normally done over there.
We then drove on to Tainan finding the traffic jam from hell -- we sat in one spot for nearly an hour, later learning the highway was closed due to a huge accident. On the way to Tainan we passed the tracks for the new bullet train which will go from Taipei to Kaohsiung in 90 minutes making four stops. That will make any future trip a lot easier. We were told Tainan was an old, small town. It was pretty damned big: their view of small is not the same as our view of small. Each successive town was smaller and less tourist-friendly than the previous. Tainan had virtually no English outside the hotel, but the Tayhih Landis Tainan was very nice and modern. Like all American breakfasts in this country, it was served cold. (I had already learned to stuff myself at breakfast to avoid lunch at all costs.)
The more rural the city, the more likely you were to find the dreaded squat-toilet. There are very few western style toilets there where you can sit in comfort. They have a porcelain bowl (an oblong sink) right in the center of the floor. You squat over it and go. Oh, yeah, I hope you brought toilet paper because they generally don't provide it. Don't put your toilet paper in there either. There's a small wastebasket next to the squat-toilet for the paper as the pipes can't handle the paper. In modern places you will find a stall with a sign on the door "Western Toilet" or "Sitting Toilet" -- even in Hong Kong this is true.
From Tainan we went on to Kaohsiung, which was a bustling city; however the air was bit hazy and it had a certain odour about it. We stayed at the Grand Hi Lai which was a cool hotel with a fantastic view -- too bad the smog blocked it. We were luckily upgraded to an executive floor which made the stay enjoyable. The lobby sold chocolates which we partook of regularly. They also had erotic chocolates in amazing detail and they were just embarrassing to look at but quite amusing. I wonder if there were nuts in that one piece.... On a nearby cluster of buildings there was an entire amusement park built on the rooftops with a roller coaster, Ferris Wheel, carousels, etcetera; truly a sight to behold.
It was a very friendly town, but air-quality-wise not unlike Newark on a bad day. Like all Far Eastern cities, they have department stores. But these are stores with very specific departments and not like what we have now -- more like the old traditional department stores of yore. It's sort of like individual offices that sell one brand (Burberry) with its own employees, and everything. It's closer to being a mall that a department store. We wasted some time at the mall here looking for a Buddha for Greg's desk. One of the factories we visited (a coating company) was bragging how the average worker lived to be almost 40 years old. Imagine that.
Once again we noticed some rather overt apparently racist attitudes which we found shocking. Invariably the topic of hurricanes came up and Katrina was part of that. They expressed universal disgust at the way it was handled, and we basically agreed. However more upsetting were their comments that at least it was just the poor people or weren't they all black, anyway and other remarks. We got this a number of times and it was shocking. I'm not sure what to make of it.
From Kaohsiung we flew to Hong Kong on DragonAir. Security here is like it used to be in the 1970s in the USA, that is to say virtually non-existent. I could have carried pretty much anything other than live ammunition through and I doubt they would have cared. I highly recommend DragonAir. The flight was fantastic, the service was friendly, and the plane left early because everyone was on board! They didn't make us sit around pointlessly awaiting a phantom departure time.
Hong Kong (locally known as Hongkong, SAR, PRC) customs was relatively easy. Although it returned to Chinese rule in 1997 after England's lease expired, it remains entirely British down to left-hand driving. Everything is in English or bilingual. Much of the population speaks English, and they're very friendly. The subway is awesome and we used it extensively. They also have an Airport Express train which goes from the airport to both Kowloon and Hong Kong proper saving you a very expensive cab ride. Sort of like Heathrow Express but more modern and much faster.
Hong Kong is beyond description and I will gladly return there one day to spend some time. This is one of those rare cities I fell in love with. Hong Kong is a very tall city. There are 100s of buildings over 60 floors many of which are residences/condominiums all of which were embarrassingly small and overpriced at the same time. There is lots of green. Victoria Harbour is amazing as is the Peak's view of the city. We did both of those famous places, took the Walk of Stars, traipsed along Nathan Road, and even took the Star Ferry. We saw an authentic Chinese Junk sailing by. We went to a Night Market where you can buy all sorts of overpriced stuff, but you can often haggle it down to nearly half of the asking price.
This is one of those rare cities you can fall in love with. It is, however, embarrassingly expensive, in fact although it ranks below London and Tokyo on the 'most expensive cities in the world list' I found it to be considerably more expensive. An iced tea is around US$7 and no free refills either. There are many shops, but the famed Hong Kong bargain no longer exists for standard items, though for bespoke clothing you can't go wrong here.
We went to Hong Kong Disney for about 3 hours. It just opened in September 2005 and is accessible by its own private subway/metro route. It's not overly expensive but it's very, very small. Space Mountain (very cool) is the only coaster attraction, and many big attractions simply aren't here: Pirates, Big Thunder, Haunted Mansion, are all missing here. We were done in 3 hours having done all the rides we wanted to. Although they have FastPass, it's not needed. As much as I hate to say it, if you take a pass on this park you aren't missing anything but the spectacular view of the castle with a background of a mountain.
[We considered going home before Wilma once we were aware of it and how severe it might be. For days it looked like it might not hit, or if it did it would be a minor storm. By the time the forecast changed, there was no way we could make it home before the storm hit. So we opted to be productive and continue our trip, figuring we could fly home after it passed. We would find out that the airports were damaged as was everything else. Airports back in our area resumed operations 10-28, and we were scheduled to be back home on 10-30, so at that point we finished the trip. I put this in because so many people asked what our thinking was.]
Because China doesn't recognize Taiwan as an independent nation, converting currency is done in Hong Kong where they take your NT$ convert them to any third currency and then that third currency to Yuan (RMB). It's a very costly procedure. Don't go to Hong Kong or China with Taiwanese money. We took DragonAir on to Shanghai, one of the most populated cities on earth at over 17 million people (more than most countries). We landed through a smogish haze reminiscent of 1980s Los Angeles only worse.
Chinese customs is scary. First, the paperwork is a lot more complex than anywhere else I've been (US included) and there's a medical form to fill out. As you stand in line -- which moves at a glacial pace -- there are doctors scanning the crowd along with lots of police. After medical clearance, you move to passport control where they check your passport, visa, and finally send you through. This process is slow because they study every single stamp in your passport -- and mine is nearly full. There is a big sign that says "The People's Republic of China may refuse to allow you entry into or exit from China without providing any reason" in many languages. Also, they have a separate customs line for Taiwanese citizens. Taiwanese citizens can't fly to China directly: they have to take a 90 minute detour, fly to Hong Kong and then into China because China also will not allow flights from their 'renegade province' -- to say political relations are strained is an understatement. The citizens don't much seem to care.
When you get your first whiff of Shanghai air, you will quote Gollum. "It burns! It burns!" And it's brown and thick. I have to tell you, it's just grotesque. The drivers here are the worst drivers in the universe: they make New Yorkers and Bostonians seem positively calm. In our "pray we make it" car ride to the city, we passed the world's only commercially operating MagLev train which gets from the airport to the city's main train station in 8 minutes going almost 300 miles per hour. It's amazing and I wish we'd have taken it, but our luggage made it impractical, so we were stuck in the one hour car ride from hell.
Shanghai has bicycles like Taiwan has scooters. They're everywhere and they drive no better than the cars. Shanghai is a fascinating city, and I'm sure many people would like it, but I can't say much except it was a unique experience. Greg and myself spent more time walking around Shanghai than any of the other cities simply because we had more time. The city is dirty, I can't emphasize that enough. My eyes, two days later, still are burning like hell and my lungs won't be clear for days. We walked down Nanjing Road, the Bund, and saw the Yangtze which makes the Hudson look like a pristine mountain lake.
The trip home was on China Eastern Airlines. It might not mean much to you, and it didn't mean much to us either. Before I rant, I want to say the flight attendants were delightful and put up with us in good humour. Other than that, I want to remind everyone to never, ever, no matter what, fly an airline owned by a Communist government. The "food" was ample but if you don't want to eat the "meal" who cares. I did not eat my lamb chops for lunch because they were too greasy and unappetizing. When my breakfast came, they put my uneaten lamb chops on top of my omelette. The seats while big could use more padding, the waiting area for the flight was Spartan at best. And, while I'm at it, Pudong airport makes any other major look like a masterpiece. (The design is nice, it's what's IN the airport.) Did you know you can't get a chocolate bar at the airport? Really.
Customs in LAX was a breeze though they didn't have luggage transfer points, so we had to haul our luggage from Tom Bradley to Terminal four. Although we were worried we'd miss our flight, it ended up being an hour late so we were cool. Greg conned us into the Admiral's Club where we waited for the trip home. The rest of the flight was uneventful and I'll end my tale here so you don't have to hear the agony of me coming home to what Wilma did to my home.
I will gladly answer questions if you have any.
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